Assalamualaikum Wrt. Wbt.
This is my second post this week and both posts are close to my heart. If you’ve not read yet, the first post is regarding Palestine: an Issue for Humanity, and I really hope you’ll take the time to read it. As long as Palestine is still under chaos, we should not stop talking about it.
Anyways, Alhamdulillah today (20/12) marks the fourth year of our wedding anniversary. Since it’s been quite a while since I last wrote about marriage stuff, I guess today would be the best day for me to do so.
Marriage has been quite a ride and I wouldn’t want to go through this journey with other than my husband. I’m not gonna praise him because he’s my husband, but I gonna praise him because I heard he has a super cute wife (don’t worry, he has only one wife). Hehe.. On a serious note, I am actually really lucky to be granted someone who really teaches me the meaning of being a man (or woman) of principles yet at the same time to be wise in my actions. So here are just a few of the lessons I’ve learnt from my husband:
Arguments should be kept to a minimum and be the first to say sorry
Yes, it’s inevitable between husband and wife to be arguing. However it shouldn’t be on a daily or even weekly basis. For my husband, arguing once in 2-3 months is considered a lot too. That’s how much he hates arguments. As for me, I get irritated easily. I think it’s normal for ladies to bottle up their feelings and it’s like a ticking time bomb. Once a lady can’t contain her frustrations any further, she.will.explode.
However, that’s the thing. We ladies should learn not to bottle up our feelings. It will only destroy us from within and we all know how ugly it could get. If there’s something that we’re unhappy about, find the right time and say it nicely to our spouse. Yes, we want our spouse to know that we’re dissatisfied with the way things are, but we need to understand and trust that our spouses won’t make us feel bad on purpose. In fact, they might not even know how we’re feeling. And yes ladies, don’t expect your spouse to figure out what you’re feeling cz they won’t be able to unless they’re some psychic. So, express your feelings in the wisest way possible.
Plus, if things do get ugly, don’t dwell on it for several days. Off your phone if you need to or go find a quiet space. Rationalise things out and know that your spouse is as hurt as you are. Be the first person to apologise. However at times you might be surprised because once you on your phone again, your spouse has already apologised. It is important not to sleep feeling angry. Make sure you’re back in your spouse’s arms that very evening.
Education is key
Before I marry my husband, he asked me to complete my undergraduate degree no matter what. Now I’m in Turkey doing my exchange program while he’s in Singapore. It’s been almost 3 months we’ve been apart from each other and exactly a month more to go before we’re reunited, insyaAllah.
He always buys me books to keep me educated of the Deen and also about psychology. He knows his wife is not into the habit of reading and he always gives me constant reminders. He will exaggerate in his praises whenever I complete reading a book.
When you get married, that’s not the end of education. Being educated is every Muslim’s responsibility. Motivate one another to become better because the world would be a better place isn’t it if everyone makes informed decisions?
Think about others and forge good relationships
My husband is a very social person. He always cares about others. Even when he knew a person doesn’t like him very much, if he sees that person is in trouble, he will still approach that person rendering help.
Plus, my husband always always asks me to message and keep in contact with people whom have been kind to us. I always argue with him whenever he “forces” me to initiate a message to a person whom I don’t even know that well. For some reason I will get upset with him cz he’s asking me to do weird things that will put me in an awkward situation. However, I will end up doing it bcz he will keep remind me about social responsibility. He wants others to know that we will be here to support them whenever they need help.
Alhamdulillah money has not really been an issue. Although we have almost no savings (we tried but fail), my husband always puts his trust in Allah that He will provide us. We knew the money we spent wasn’t on unnecessary stuff and hence we just live day by day with whatever we have.
Besides money, my husband also puts his highest tawakul especially when he asked me to go for this exchange programme. How many husbands in this world who will not think twice in supporting his wife when a rare opportunity came by? At times I don’t even know how my husband does it. His support for me is just MasyaAllah. When I regret coming here because I miss him so much and especially when he’s sick, he will remind me again why we do what we do.
So yeah! I have no intentions at all to brag about my husband and I don’t wish for anyone to compare your spouse to mine. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Of cz my husband has his own minor weaknesses too but it’s just part of being human, right?
Doesn’t matter if you’re the wife or husband, treat your spouse right. Don’t take advantage of your spouse’s kindness. To give trust and to keep the trust of your spouse is of utmost importance. No marriage can be harmonious if you keep being suspicious about your partner. Always have an open communication. Let your other half be in the know about what’s going on in your life.
Everyday is a learning process. No matter what’s the age of your marriage, always find ways to love your spouse. One psychological study has shown that one of the three secrets to happiness a stable, supportive marriage. You may click here to watch the TEDed video. Is it just a coincidence when Rasulullah SWT said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Sunan ibn Majah)
Oh wow. I didn’t touch anything about children. Lol. It does matter to us that we are still not yet granted children, however we just leave everything to Allah. So please keep making du’a for us. 🙂