Islamic Couple?

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb., my dear brothers and sisters of Islam. 🙂

I wanted to title this post “A Pious Boyfriend?”, but after much contemplation I’ve decided to change it to “Islamic Couple?” because at times it’s not only the guy’s fault, but also can be the girl’s fault. After all, it takes two hands to clap right? Anyway, this post is not only for those “Islamic Couple” but also who’re engaged. Before I start, I’ll try my best not to be insensitive towards anyone’s feeling, but I just hope that we all could learn from each other’s pasts. InsyaAllah.

It’s just normal isn’t it to love and be loved. To feel accepted by the opposite gender just so you know that you’re attractive like that. Haha. On a serious note, it’s because ladies who have met guys that were equivalent to jerks who just don’t know how to treat a lady right, they’ll start to be more wary with whomever that approaches them. They’ll make sure that the guy prays consistently, fasts regularly, treats everyone nicely, … you got it. They’ll ensure that their next boyfriend(s) is a pious man.

Being “pious” unmarried couples are not that easy. They need to stop going out together without a third person, need to stop joking around excessively, need to start keeping a halal distance, etc. Of cz it’s gonna be hard abiding those rules just so they could be seen as an “Islamic couple” in Allah’s eyes before they could finally be halal certified. Don’t you think they’re doing a great job? Nope, not at all.

“So what if my boyfriend has the intention to marry me but only that he’s not financially prepared?”

Honestly, I think that’s what every guy will say to his girlfriend and living in this increasingly expensive world, that’s what they will continue to say – “I wanna marry you but I’m not financially stable yet”. Harsh reality isn’t it?

“My boyfriend/girlfriend makes me closer to Allah SWT.”

Those who are guilty, put your hands up. There’s actually something very ironic about the phrase above. ‘Boyfriend/girlfriend’ is actually the last thing that makes you closer to Allah SWT. Yes, your bf/gf can encourage you to go to the mosque, to read more Islamic books, to be a better Muslim/Muslimah but actually, you’re not doing it for Allah SWT. You’re doing it for that person!

In the past, I was always depending on someone to guide me to be a better Muslimah. I needed someone to tell me what’s right and wrong. Then I realised, the keywords are “I needed someone”, hence Allah SWT brought someone to me. It may seem like a blessing at first, but actually Allah SWT allowed syaitan to blind my hearts.

A few weeks ago, I’ve got the chance to meet this wonderful lady whom has never been into a relationship nor has she gone for dates before. She’s EVERGREEN but I’d like to call her a RARE GEM instead. There are of cz guys who asked her out but she simply said no. Of cz it’s not that simple to say no, but she knows every reason to why going out with a guy is wrong. She’s saving her chastity and her heart only for the rightful one. She believes that if you want to get closer to Allah SWT, you don’t need anyone to be a reason to do so cz it just shows how insincere you are to seek Him.

I can never agree more. All these while my heart, eyes and mind were blinded by syaitan. I allowed syaitan to take control of me. I was cheated by my own desires. I thought my love for Allah SWT was real, but it was nothing but a mere trap from my own foolishness.

These are the reasons why you should not be in any before marriage relationship:

-A pious person will never get into a haram relationship cz you know Allah forbids us from going even near to fornication (zina).

Allah says:

“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to other evils).” (Al-Israa:32)

Even our Beloved Prophet Muhammad says:

“I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” [Sahih Bukhari]

If we can understand these two powerful Divine statements, then we will not even think of committing into a haram relationship. Humans are humans, we tend to fall into syaitan’s trap and it’s inevitable to not slip along the way even how clean we try to make this concept of “Islamic relationship” be.

Even with this kind of joke, it can jelly your Imaan.

-You’ll never know if he/she is the person that you gonna be married to.

Increasingly I’ve seen couples taking a picture together with captions like “May Allah bless our relationship” or “May we last till Jannah” on social media. Allah will never bless haram relationship and haram relationship will only land you in Jahannam (Hellfire) instead. You can try all ways to keep your relationship stable, but if Allah says that person is not the one for you, he/she will not be the one. Yeap, you can be with your bf/gf for 8 years or a few months, but if Allah says you’re not for him/her, you’ll never be for him/her. Of cz this happens to me and I would want to say “I’ve got no regrets”, but I realised regretting is one of the conditions to taubah (repentance). I regret my actions because my husband is the one who has to bear all the jealousy.

-Your future spouse is the victim of your own foolishness.

Even how much your spouse says “it’s okay” to your past, he/she is actually not that okay. Knowing that your heart was once captured by other person before him/her, knowing that you once loved someone before him/her, really, nothing can be more hurtful than that. I know of a couple who’s married for 10 years, but the wife still gets jealous when her husband’s ex gf name’s being mentioned. It’s not about trust issue, but when it’s about the matter of the heart, it can remain forever.

Allah SWT has set guidelines on how we should communicate and interact with the opposite gender. He knows of the detrimental effects of the things that He has made forbidden. Doing whatever that’s against His commandments just show how much we don’t believe in His wisdom. We can live in denial by saying “I believe 100% in Allah’s wisdom”, but really, your actions say it all.

-Love your future spouse so much. So much so you won’t allow anyone to take his/her place till the akad nikah is finally over.

It’s very important to guard your heart. Like I’ve mentioned, you never know whether your current bf/gf is the person you’re gonna get married to. Even when you’re at the stage of engagement, GUARD.YOUR.HEART. How many times have we heard of people who are engaged but end up marrying a different person? I do not advocate “engagement” because in Islam, there’s no such thing. Nowadays people treat engagement as a green light to do anything with their future spouse. Errr… I think I’ll need to write up one whole post on engagement itself.  Huhu. Anyway, you don’t know who’s your future spouse gonna be cz that’s Allah SWT’s secret, but love him/her so much so that only the deserving one can claim your heart the right way.

So here what you can do!

-It’s not too late to bid goodbye to your pious bf/gf. Cz if he/she is pious, he/she will never ask you to be in a relationship with him/her. Break up because of Allah SWT cz I can guarantee you, that’s when you’ll finally realise that you’re getting closer to Him.

-It’s okay to cry buckets. It’s really okay. If it’s tears of heartbreak and repentance, insyaAllah with the constant remembrance of Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW, your heart will heal in no time.

-Wake up for tahajjud prayers. Really, nothing is more healing than waking up at 3 in the morning, praying and crying and asking Allah SWT for forgiveness and a strong heart. It’s guaranteed to work.

-Fill your heart with Allah SWT’s and Rasulullah SAW’s love first! I remembered making this doa:

“Oh Allah, fill my heart with Yours and Rasulullah SAW’s love before You fill my heart with human’s love.”

So how can you fill your heart with Allah SWT’s love? By reciting the Qur’an, do lots of zikir and read the tafsir (translation & interpretation) of the Qur’an. How bout Rasulullah’s love? By learning & emulating his Sunnah and do lots of selawat. When I say zikir and selawat, I mean cleaning up your music playlist and replace it with Qur’an recitation, zikir and selawat. Make sure the zikir and selawat you’re listening to are what Rasulullah has taught us. There are abundance of it,you don’t have to find alternatives.

Download pdf for supplication of Prophet Muhammad SAW: Fortress of a Muslim by Hisnul Muslim

I know it’s difficult to take that leap of faith. However, if you want a marriage that lasts till Jannah, you should start it right! How can you ask Allah SWT for a blessed marriage if you start your relationship the haram way?

“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.” [An-Nisaa:26]

If your future spouse is Allah’s secret, death is Allah’s secret too. You’ll never know if death gonna come to you sooner than marriage.

WallahuAlam.

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19 thoughts on “Islamic Couple?

  1. farah says:

    Salam sister. I am new to your blog and i really love reading whats on your mind. However, i’d just like to clarify something that you said. You mentioned that theres no engagement in islam? From what i have learnt, pardon me if im wrong, that there is engagement in islam. Its just not the way the Malays do it? Engagement in islam is when two parties agree to be together and during taaruf the guy gets to see the girl? Please elaborate more on this. Thank you. Wassalam.

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Salam Sister. Sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. 🙂

      Pertaining to your qn, yeap, theres no such think as ‘engagement’ in Islam. There’s only ‘khitbah’. Khitbah is what Malays call it as ‘pinang’. Meaning the guy’s side go over to the girl’s side to ask for marriage, but the difference between ‘tunang'(engagement) and ‘pinang’ is that when you tunang, there’ll be a long period of time approx. 1yr or 2 yrs before the guy’s side come back again and pinang the girl. During pinang, the guy’s side will then set a confirmed date of the solemnisation.

      In simple term:

      Tunang – “I want to book the girl for 2yrs.”
      Pinang – “We will get married on __/__/2014”

      That’s why there’s not such thing as engagement in Islam because there’s not benefits to it. I hope I don’t confuse you. Hehe. WallahuAlam. Wassalam. 🙂

      • farah says:

        Alhamdulillah. Thank you for the explanation. Looking forward to reading more of your future posts! 🙂

  2. Hmmmm says:

    Salam Shikin. Sorry to correct u. There is such thing as tunang in Islam. Rasulullah himself tunang. Hukum tunang adalah sunnah. Macam kalau die dah tunang orang dah tahu yang die dah ada bakal suami. Kalau takde tunang nanti banyak pihak yang masuk minang, pastu nanti keliru samaada die dah ade org yg nak ke tak. Pertunangn itu sunnah. Untk mengelakkn fitnah. Please do not teach others stuff that you are not sure. It will ruin them. Once again im sorry to correct u. Thanks

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Salam Hmmmm. 🙂
      Thank you so much for your feedback. I’m not a Masters in Hadith, so can you give me the dalil which wife he tunang to? 🙂
      Cz from what I understand, dalam Islam there’s no such thing as tunang, but there’s such thing a pinang. Pinang is khitbah. And Rasulullah masuk meminang bukan masuk untuk bertunang. They are two different things. Maybe your definition of tunang is actually pinang? Cz memang you nak kena masuk meminang in order the marriage to take place, if not macam mane nak tahu if the girl agrees ke tak?
      That’s why I said we need another post to talk about this itself. Cz perkataan and makna semua da lari dari zaman Rasulullah. WallahuAlam.

      I’m sorry if I’m teaching others stuff that can ruin them. But I’m trying my best to only say things that are from the Qur’an and Sunnah (sebaik2 nye yang Sahih dan Hassan). Sesungguhnya yang baik semua datang dari Allah dan yang tak baik semua datang dari diri saya yang banyak dosa. 🙂 Wassalam.

  3. sarifah says:

    Salam Sis,

    Thank you for a beautiful write up, Alhamdulillah a simple yet informative. I agree on seeking Allah swt FIRST and make doa. Every little thing will fall in place. I can safely say from my own experience, Masya’Allah. It can be a simple and small little things like saying, Thank you Allah. How simple is that rite? Than slowly, you wanting to please HIM and eventually you never thought that you be where you are now, which often the peaceful place.

    In Shaa Allah.

    May Allah protect us, guide us and Bless us with HIS love, Amin.

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Salam Sarifah,

      MasyaAllah. Thank you for the little thoughts. Yes dear, we should always show our appreciation towards the One who has created us. How can we ever be arrogant towards Him by not saying, Thank you Allah? SubhanAllah. Just like you, I really hope every Muslim could feel this peacefulness just once in their lifetime so that they would feel the hunger to seek for it again.

      InsyaAllah, May Allah SWT always keep us under His protection.

  4. nanana says:

    Assalamualaikum wr wb.

    Alhamdulillah for He has allowed me to come across this post via Facebook.

    I was blessed with a very good friend (a mutual friend of mine and my ex’s *cringing at this term haha*) who spoke of the exact same content as your blog post. And ever since, we have decided to call the relationship off. I’m gonna be honest and tell you that my heart shattered *cues dramatic music* into a million pieces. Memang sakit cinta dunia kan? But alhamdulillah, Allah is always with us and whatever He destines for us is the best that could have ever happen.

    Again, alhamdulillah for this post and thank you for this post. It felt as though you were helpg me put my thoughts and reflections into words. It serves as a reminder for me. It also makes it easier for me to explain to friends who don’t understand why we did it (broke off) cause I’ll just ask them to read this 😄 in fact, I’ve already done so hahaha.

    May Allah reward you, dear sister. Semoga berada dalam dakapan rahmat dan kasih Allah selalu. 😊

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Walaikumsalam Wr. Wb. Sis. 🙂

      Alhamdulillah this post has benefited you. I hope it will benefit your other friends too who asked you why you broke off! Haha.

      Life is not easy yet it’s not difficult. Tapi betul, cinta dunia to memang sakit. You only have yourself to blame if you let your heart being tortured. With Allah SWT, all hearts can heal and be at peace. InsyaAllah your heart will always be at peace now and that you’ve received the ultimate happiness with Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW filling your heart! 😀

      Semoga awak pun sentiasa berada dalam dakapan rahmat dan kasih Allah SWT. Btw, if you may, do fb msg me @ Nurashikin Salim. The way you commented macam cute gitu. Haha. I would love to know more about you (for the sake of Allah k. Hahah.).

  5. Gee says:

    Salam sis, I loved every single post of yours and that’s why you’ll see tons of my comments today hehe (stalker mode jap). Genuine questions I have for this post though because I’m rly looking forward to do things the right way. If I’m not allowed to get to know the guy eg go out with third party or like text and stuff, how do I potentially get a husband? Like if by any slim chance one does get a proposal, but if you don’t know anything about him isn’t it a little scary? Or what if he turns out to not like you much hahaha sounds weird but legit fears. Also like the girl abovementioned, I rejected guys wanting to be friends and going out and contact too but I do have like worries if I keep doing it, what if I end up not getting one? My friends sometimes like to say what if one of those you tk nk berbual with were supposed to be your spouse or etc. I’m new to this though because in the past I have had my share of haram relationships hence my new found questions and worries to you. Hope you could clarify my doubts. Thank you for your amazing blog again! May Allah swt be pleased with you.

    • Gee says:

      Just to add, I have been single for about 5 years after ending my haram relationship. I just feel I need to do things right but maybe I’m really not sure how.

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Salam Sis. Haha. Betul punya stalker mode.. Hehe. Anyway, I believe that whatever Allah has planned for you, will not miss you. Those guys you’ve rejected surely isn’t what Allah has planned for you.

      That’s why waking up for Qiyammulail is very important. You need to ask Allah SWT for guidance. Maybe it’s easy for me to know that my husband is a good person because he’s an Ustaz. However an Ustaz still has his own flaws. That’s why we always need to go back to Allah. Let him decide for you. Nowadays you can check someone out thru fb. I feel maybe you can contact as in msg that person to get to know more about him. Maybe you can post some qns to him and see if his answers satisfy you? Yet while msging, do not let your desire take over. That’s why you need to always ask Allah to strengthen your heart. And while all those ta’aruf taking place, you need to solat Istikharah. At the same time, let your parents know about it. Seek your parents advise cz our parent’s redha is of utmost importance.

      Remember that your intention is marriage. So move towards that k! 🙂 Eh btw, if you’ve fb, you can find me: Nurashikin Salim. We can chat over there.

  6. mus says:

    Assalamu’alaikum kak shikin

    Alhamdulillah love your post it made me cry :’)’: (thats a smily/sad face thats tearing btw). Indeed having haraam relationships will only bring heartache ): Thank you for the beautiful advices, I will try to take heed on them.

    Anyway you should definitely do another post on the tunang thing i’ll be looking forward to it (:
    May Allah bless you my dear sister

    • nurashikinsalim says:

      Waalaikumsalamwarahmatullah Sis!

      MasyaAllah. Alhamdulillah if my experience has benefited you. Indeed the process of purifying is tough.. but no one says that it’s gonna be easy. So keep strengthening your Imaan by going closer to Allah. InsyaAllah once I’ve got the resources to post on tunang, I will. Do make doa for me dear Sis. May Allah bless you too! And do introduce yourself to me so that we can get to know each other insyaAllah. 🙂

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