Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb., my dear brothers and sisters of Islam. 🙂
I wanted to title this post “A Pious Boyfriend?”, but after much contemplation I’ve decided to change it to “Islamic Couple?” because at times it’s not only the guy’s fault, but also can be the girl’s fault. After all, it takes two hands to clap right? Anyway, this post is not only for those “Islamic Couple” but also who’re engaged. Before I start, I’ll try my best not to be insensitive towards anyone’s feeling, but I just hope that we all could learn from each other’s pasts. InsyaAllah.
It’s just normal isn’t it to love and be loved. To feel accepted by the opposite gender just so you know that you’re attractive like that. Haha. On a serious note, it’s because ladies who have met guys that were equivalent to jerks who just don’t know how to treat a lady right, they’ll start to be more wary with whomever that approaches them. They’ll make sure that the guy prays consistently, fasts regularly, treats everyone nicely, … you got it. They’ll ensure that their next boyfriend(s) is a pious man.
Being “pious” unmarried couples are not that easy. They need to stop going out together without a third person, need to stop joking around excessively, need to start keeping a halal distance, etc. Of cz it’s gonna be hard abiding those rules just so they could be seen as an “Islamic couple” in Allah’s eyes before they could finally be halal certified. Don’t you think they’re doing a great job? Nope, not at all.
“So what if my boyfriend has the intention to marry me but only that he’s not financially prepared?”
Honestly, I think that’s what every guy will say to his girlfriend and living in this increasingly expensive world, that’s what they will continue to say – “I wanna marry you but I’m not financially stable yet”. Harsh reality isn’t it?
“My boyfriend/girlfriend makes me closer to Allah SWT.”
Those who are guilty, put your hands up. There’s actually something very ironic about the phrase above. ‘Boyfriend/girlfriend’ is actually the last thing that makes you closer to Allah SWT. Yes, your bf/gf can encourage you to go to the mosque, to read more Islamic books, to be a better Muslim/Muslimah but actually, you’re not doing it for Allah SWT. You’re doing it for that person!
In the past, I was always depending on someone to guide me to be a better Muslimah. I needed someone to tell me what’s right and wrong. Then I realised, the keywords are “I needed someone”, hence Allah SWT brought someone to me. It may seem like a blessing at first, but actually Allah SWT allowed syaitan to blind my hearts.
A few weeks ago, I’ve got the chance to meet this wonderful lady whom has never been into a relationship nor has she gone for dates before. She’s EVERGREEN but I’d like to call her a RARE GEM instead. There are of cz guys who asked her out but she simply said no. Of cz it’s not that simple to say no, but she knows every reason to why going out with a guy is wrong. She’s saving her chastity and her heart only for the rightful one. She believes that if you want to get closer to Allah SWT, you don’t need anyone to be a reason to do so cz it just shows how insincere you are to seek Him.
I can never agree more. All these while my heart, eyes and mind were blinded by syaitan. I allowed syaitan to take control of me. I was cheated by my own desires. I thought my love for Allah SWT was real, but it was nothing but a mere trap from my own foolishness.
These are the reasons why you should not be in any before marriage relationship:
-A pious person will never get into a haram relationship cz you know Allah forbids us from going even near to fornication (zina).
“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to other evils).” (Al-Israa:32)
Even our Beloved Prophet Muhammad says:
“I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” [Sahih Bukhari]
If we can understand these two powerful Divine statements, then we will not even think of committing into a haram relationship. Humans are humans, we tend to fall into syaitan’s trap and it’s inevitable to not slip along the way even how clean we try to make this concept of “Islamic relationship” be.
-You’ll never know if he/she is the person that you gonna be married to.
Increasingly I’ve seen couples taking a picture together with captions like “May Allah bless our relationship” or “May we last till Jannah” on social media. Allah will never bless haram relationship and haram relationship will only land you in Jahannam (Hellfire) instead. You can try all ways to keep your relationship stable, but if Allah says that person is not the one for you, he/she will not be the one. Yeap, you can be with your bf/gf for 8 years or a few months, but if Allah says you’re not for him/her, you’ll never be for him/her. Of cz this happens to me and I would want to say “I’ve got no regrets”, but I realised regretting is one of the conditions to taubah (repentance). I regret my actions because my husband is the one who has to bear all the jealousy.
-Your future spouse is the victim of your own foolishness.
Even how much your spouse says “it’s okay” to your past, he/she is actually not that okay. Knowing that your heart was once captured by other person before him/her, knowing that you once loved someone before him/her, really, nothing can be more hurtful than that. I know of a couple who’s married for 10 years, but the wife still gets jealous when her husband’s ex gf name’s being mentioned. It’s not about trust issue, but when it’s about the matter of the heart, it can remain forever.
Allah SWT has set guidelines on how we should communicate and interact with the opposite gender. He knows of the detrimental effects of the things that He has made forbidden. Doing whatever that’s against His commandments just show how much we don’t believe in His wisdom. We can live in denial by saying “I believe 100% in Allah’s wisdom”, but really, your actions say it all.
-Love your future spouse so much. So much so you won’t allow anyone to take his/her place till the akad nikah is finally over.
It’s very important to guard your heart. Like I’ve mentioned, you never know whether your current bf/gf is the person you’re gonna get married to. Even when you’re at the stage of engagement, GUARD.YOUR.HEART. How many times have we heard of people who are engaged but end up marrying a different person? I do not advocate “engagement” because in Islam, there’s no such thing. Nowadays people treat engagement as a green light to do anything with their future spouse. Errr… I think I’ll need to write up one whole post on engagement itself. Huhu. Anyway, you don’t know who’s your future spouse gonna be cz that’s Allah SWT’s secret, but love him/her so much so that only the deserving one can claim your heart the right way.
So here what you can do!
-It’s not too late to bid goodbye to your pious bf/gf. Cz if he/she is pious, he/she will never ask you to be in a relationship with him/her. Break up because of Allah SWT cz I can guarantee you, that’s when you’ll finally realise that you’re getting closer to Him.
-It’s okay to cry buckets. It’s really okay. If it’s tears of heartbreak and repentance, insyaAllah with the constant remembrance of Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW, your heart will heal in no time.
-Wake up for tahajjud prayers. Really, nothing is more healing than waking up at 3 in the morning, praying and crying and asking Allah SWT for forgiveness and a strong heart. It’s guaranteed to work.
-Fill your heart with Allah SWT’s and Rasulullah SAW’s love first! I remembered making this doa:
“Oh Allah, fill my heart with Yours and Rasulullah SAW’s love before You fill my heart with human’s love.”
So how can you fill your heart with Allah SWT’s love? By reciting the Qur’an, do lots of zikir and read the tafsir (translation & interpretation) of the Qur’an. How bout Rasulullah’s love? By learning & emulating his Sunnah and do lots of selawat. When I say zikir and selawat, I mean cleaning up your music playlist and replace it with Qur’an recitation, zikir and selawat. Make sure the zikir and selawat you’re listening to are what Rasulullah has taught us. There are abundance of it,you don’t have to find alternatives.
Download pdf for supplication of Prophet Muhammad SAW: Fortress of a Muslim by Hisnul Muslim
I know it’s difficult to take that leap of faith. However, if you want a marriage that lasts till Jannah, you should start it right! How can you ask Allah SWT for a blessed marriage if you start your relationship the haram way?
“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.” [An-Nisaa:26]
If your future spouse is Allah’s secret, death is Allah’s secret too. You’ll never know if death gonna come to you sooner than marriage.