Learn To Love Again…

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb.

10427367_10152544951474962_7588309104436563006_nOn 31st August 2014, I had the golden opportunity to meet the ladies who have stayed loyal (I think!) reading my posts on this humble blog. Although I expected 20 attendees, Alhamdulillah Allah SWT gathered 15 of us (including me) for this fruitful event instead. Out of 14 ladies who came, 60% of them actually came as individuals! SubhanAllah! Me being not confident of running the show alone, I asked two good friends of mine to be the show runners. Alhamdulillah for them, we had an enjoyable time knowing one another through the ice breaking games they conducted.

So the topic for the day was “Learn To Love Again”. We talked about so much stuff. From loving others to loving oneself and of cz, loving for the sake of Allah SWT. Alhamdulillah in that session, everyone shared part of their lives and almost all of them shared the moment when they start to learn to love again. Love who? The One above. Listening from their inspiring hijrah stories, I was so humbled cz each of them reminded me of Allah SWT. When I went home, I decided that I want to publish their stories which will be called “Hijrah Story” and the authors are none other than the one who experienced the journey itself. InsyaAllah every Saturday and Sunday, I will publish 2 stories respectively on each day. I came to this realisation to do this ‘mini project’ because I feel all these while I’ve been blogging mostly about my experience. Now insyAllah, I will have 14 other stories from different people of different background (insyaAllah if all of them send in their Hijrah story)!

Of cz it won’t just stop at publishing their stories. I hope to match Muslimat out there who will be reading “Hijrah Story” and can relate to their struggles with the author of the post. At the end of each story, I will insert my number so that those whom wish to connect with any of the lady, can Whatsapp me to get their numbers! I won’t publish their numbers due to privacy issue and some of them want to remain anonymous.

Aaaand…. not only that! We will also have Halaqah session every month insyaAllah! Each month one of the ladies will be elected as a leader. The leader will come up with a topic and be the one who guides the discussion. InsyaAllah the upcoming Halaqah session would be on “Self-Esteem” and insyaAllah it will be on 19th October. I won’t be there since I’m in Jordan but one of the ladies by the name of Hanisah would be leading this Halaqah session insyaAllah! InsyaAllah next week I’ll be publishing Sister Hanisah’s Hijrah story and MasyaAllah, it’s super amazing! So if you’re interested to attend this Halaqah session and you want to expand your circle of Muslimah friends, you can Whatsapp me at +6582981248, and I will add you into our Whatsapp group insyaAllah! 😀


LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN

IMG-20140831-WA0013

It’s common for parents when it comes to Islam, they will stress on their children about the halal and haram in Islam. Yes, their children will grow up knowing that it’s haram to expose their aurah but the way they hijab (cover) their aurah, it’s as though they don’t understand at all the wisdom behind why Allah SWT commands them to so. So, how can someone fully comprehend the halal and haram in Islam and do it only for the sake of Allah SWT if in the first place, he/she doesn’t even know Allah SWT? How can we say we love Allah SWT and we do this and that for the sake of Allah SWT if we can’t even list down 5 out of 99 names of Allah SWT? We don’t know how loving He is or how much of a Humiliator He could be, and we still proudly say that we love Him.. SubhanaAllah. Let us take the initiative to learn about our Creator because there’s no knowledge that is more powerful and pure than the knowledge of our Creator. The best way to learn about Him is from the Qur’an.

Love For Others

“None of you will truly believe until he loves his brothers as he loves himself” [Sahih Bukhari]

If you were to see an accident by the road side and you’re a certified first aider, what will you do? Without much hesitation you will run towards the victim and try to help him or else he’d die. Now, you know your friend is a gay and you know being a gay is haram in Islam, what will you do? How do you show love towards your friend? Do you keep mum and let him be or do you advise him? Your reaction towards your friend can either escape him from the torment of hellfire or otherwise, it can continue leading him towards hellfire.

How much do you love your brothers and sisters? Is it eternal love or just love in this dunya? Do you wish to enter paradise alone or do you want to bring your brothers and sisters along? If you just wish to enter paradise alone, then according to the hadith, you have not truly believed.

“You will not enter Paradise until you have faith and you won’t gain faith until you share the love amongst each other. Do you want me to show you an action if all of you were to do it, you will certainly share love amongst each other? Spread salam amongst all of you.” [Sahih Bukhari]

We’re living in a busy society whereby we have no time or we just choose not to acknowledge the people around us. When we see a Muslim sister going to pass by us, do we look and smile at her and ready to give salam? Or do we act as though we didn’t see her and just continue looking at our phone? Why are we so ashamed to do what our beloved Rasulullah SAW told us to? Yes, it may be quite hard if you’re the soft-spoken and shy sort, but if we just instil a little bit of courage to uphold the Sunnah of Rasulullah SAW besides spreading love, MasyaAllah, InsyaAllah Allah SWT will reward you more and Rasulullah SAW will love you greater.

Love For Self

“Every son of Adam commits a lot of sins and the best amongst those who sin are the repenters.” [Recorded by Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah]

Allah SWT knows His creations best. He knows we, sons and daughters of Adam, will commit a lot of sins and He gave us the solution to that; to repent. It’s only human to err and Allah SWT acknowledges that. He allows us to fall just so that we could stand up again stronger with Him in our heart now.

“Verily, Allâh forgives not that partners should be set up with him in worship, but He forgives except that (anything else) to whom He pleases, and whoever sets up partners with Allâh in worship, he has indeed invented a tremendous sin. ” [al-Qur’an 4:48]

Allah SWT has clearly stated that there is no sin that cannot be forgiven except for shirk (associating partners with Allah SWT). So why are we so worried that our sin won’t be forgiven? And not having faith in the forgiveness of Allah SWT just shows how weak our Imaan is. We need to stop hurting ourselves by constantly reminding ourselves what we have done in the past. We should repent and move on.

“…And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?” [al-Qur’an 15:56]

Only those who are astray will doubt and despair of the mercy of his Lord. Let us not be amongst those who are astray.

“Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance…” [al-Qur’an 11:3]

There are of cz conditions for the acceptance of repentance. Allah SWT knows our heart. We can verbally say we have repented, but saying “I will repent after I have another stick of cigarette” is as though we’re making fun and belittling the gift (of repentance) that Allah SWT has bestowed upon us.

  1. Immediate cessation of the sin.
  2. Regret for what was done.
  3. Determination not to return to the sin.
  4. Seeking forgiveness (if the sin is done on someone else. eg. back biting)

Ultimately, we repent solely for Allah SWT and confession of sins is solely for Allah SWT too. Rasulullah SAW’s doa asking for forgiveness:

“Aboo’u laka bi ni’matika wa aboo’u bi dzanbi” [Sahih Bukhari]

I acknowledge Your blessings and I acknowledge (confess) my sin to You.

Let’s put this do’a into practise when asking for forgiveness from al-Ghafur (The Forgiver and Hider of Faults).

“O My slaves, you err night and day, but I will forgive all sins, so ask Me for forgiveness and I will forgive you.” [Sahih Muslim (Hadith Qudsi)]

Again and again, we see Ayah from al-Qur’an and ahadith (pl. for hadith) mentioning about forgiving and repenting. The best timing to ask forgiveness from Allah SWT is to perform Tahajjud, during the last third of the night where Allah SWT comes down to the lowest of heaven to listen to those who calls for Him.

“Allah is more compassionate towards His slaves than a mother towards her child.” [Sahih Muslim]

Learning to love again is to learn to love Allah SWT  and Rasulullah SAW again. We may love our mum, dad, spouse, brothers and sisters, and our own self, but it shouldn’t and should never surpass our love for Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW. In fact, we should love humans for the sake of Allah SWT. Know that if you love someone because you love Allah SWT, then the love will never die, insyaAllah. And to love Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW, we must learn about Them.

WallahuAlam.

Advertisements

“I’m not a virgin. What will happen to me?”

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb.

I’ve been wanting to write on this sensitive topic – virginity – because I feel that this is a very relevant and important topic to touch on in this day and age. And what’s more alarming is that, it doesn’t only happen towards non-Muslims. In fact, in Singapore itself, there are quite a handful of Muslims who are involved in this sexual act – either voluntarily or non-voluntarily. Although I may not be an expert in this field, based on the number of people whom I’ve met, talked and observed, InsyaAllah it will be sufficient enough for me to touch on several factors surrounding the topic of virginity.

PS: Only continue reading this if you truly believe in the existence of Allah SWT.

“I’m not a virgin. What will happen to me?”

There are many repercussions when someone loses her virginity. And insyaAllah I will layout each scenario that I’ve encountered with.

1. Turning Into a Lesbian/Bisexual/Gay.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had years ago with a friend of mine. I had a bad habit of cutting my hair whenever I was stress. Yeap, even during exams period I will just get hold of a scissors and snip off few inches of hair. At that point when the conversation happened, my hair was super short due to a failed relationship and that friend of mine whom I conversed with, was a bisexual and had a girlfriend.

Her: Eh, why you cut your hair till very short?

Me: Stress la. I don’t want to attract anyone any more.

Her: Relax la. At least you’re still okay. I even worse. I broke my virginity with my ex and he left me. That’s why now I became like this (a bisexual).

This is a very common sight and I’ve met many who chose to go for the same gender because they are sick and tired of getting hurt by the opposite gender.

2. Dedicate Their Lives on Working & Travelling

I wouldn’t say that this is a bad thing. Of cz it’s normal for someone to be afraid of being in a relationship after that traumatic event. However so, these are temporary solutions. She may keep herself occupied all day long, but once she’s back home and tries to sleep? Depression comes back. Plus, a lady travelling alone without her mahram may fall under the hukum of haram.

3. Sleeps Around More

Those ladies who feel like they are left with not even a bit of dignity might be prone to this. I’ve known of someone whom had one night stand with a few men (on different occasions) after her boyfriend left her. She felt worthless and had the mindset, “since I’m not a virgin and have already loss my dignity, I’m dirty. No good man will ever want me.”. This is the attitude of someone who has given up with her life. Thinking that her sins are too huge for Allah SWT to forgive.

4. Find a Boyfriend Who Can Accept Her

Some are traumatised by what has happened to her. Some couldn’t live without someone by her side. To me, this is more of a test to see if she is still worthy of being loved by someone despite the broken state she’s in.

5. Marrying that Irresponsible Man 

I’m referring to those who got pregnant by their boyfriends. This is a very very very common solution and an easiest way out for Muslim families. Especially Malay Muslim families in Singapore. They do not think of the consequences after marriage. The only thing they are afraid of is “What will people say?! I’ve got a reputation to uphold!”. It’s all about their self-respect, pride and face. In our society, a “spoilt” child would automatically mean poor upbringing.

We need to eradicate this “self-respect, pride and face” aspect from our lives. It can be a positive thing but may also bring great damage. Just because of shame, you marry your daughter to that irresponsible man who did irresponsible acts towards your daughter. Just because of shame, instead of solving the problem, you are creating more problems not only for your daughter but also her child.  People need to realise that maturity doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye. The irresponsible man won’t just change to be a mature man right after the akad nikah. In fact, he may even change for the worse after marriage. If he can sleep around with your daughter before marriage, what makes you think he won’t fool around with other girls after his marriage with your daughter? Of cz this is just an assumption, but I’m just stating the possibilities. At the end of the day, it will only contribute to the divorce rate and you’ll incur more shame.

I’m sure there are more repercussions but these are the ones that I can think of now.

So, what is the permanent solution to this? Allow me to share a story of someone whom I know dearly. Due to the sensitive nature of this topic, I’ll keep her identity anonymous. Let’s call her K.

Just like any other girl with the desire of having a boyfriend, K had one who left the darkest mark in her life. K was physically and mentally abused, and raped repeatedly by her ex boyfriend yet she didn’t go for any counselling with a professional. K did confide to her friends whom she trusted, but she didn’t expect any advise from them. Someone actually told her to lodge a report at the police station but she refused because she felt that nothing could change the state she’s in now and a police report would only mean that her whole family would know about what happened to her. Yes, K’s ex boyfriend might be put behind bars but just think about it. The guy may go around fooling with other girls, but it’s because the girls agreed to bring herself forward to him.

Many may not agree with me. “So you mean it’s the girl’s fault for accepting him as a boyfriend? She was raped! She didn’t do it on her own accord!”. For a moment, let’s take our Islamic intellectual ability to a higher level.

“And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.” [al-Isra:32]

Allah SWT has specifically mentioned in the Qur’an not to come near to adultery (zina). It does not only mean to get into a relationship with someone. “Do not come near to zina” would also include the way someone dresses. A lady may be fully covered but because of her outgoing personality of being too friendly with men, may also lead her to be a victim of rape. In this case, K has never been seen in singlet nor shorts yet she was seen as vulnerable to her ex boyfriend.

Don’t get  me wrong, I’m not putting the blame entirely on the lady but we have to acknowledge that in a way or another, we ladies do trigger the sexual desire of the man if we do not follow strictly to the commandments of Allah SWT. And because of that, the consequence is detrimental. Why not we have full faith in the wisdom of our Creator?

The full Ayah: And thus We have made you a medium (just) nation that you may be the bearers of witness to the people and (that) the Messenger may be a bearer of witness to you; and We did not make that which you would have to be the qiblah but that We might distinguish him who follows the Messenger from him who turns back upon his heels, and this was surely hard except for those whom Allah has guided aright; and Allah was not going to make your faith to be fruitless; most surely Allah is Affectionate, Merciful to the people. [al-Baqarah:143]

Of cz, if someone was raped even after abiding all of Allah SWT’s commandments, then we may put the blame entirely on the man. But insyaAllah if we submit ourselves as servant of Allah SWT, al-Maani’ (The Preventer of Harm) will protect us from any kind of harm. And for the record, K admitted that although what happened to her wasn’t based on her own will, she was guilty because she got herself involved in a haraam relationship in the first place.

However, just like one of the repercussions mentioned above, K still went into a relationship with several other men that could accept her. Although all those men that she went into a relationship with after that treated her good, she still felt empty inside. Despite all the love that was showered to her, it wasn’t enough to make her forget her traumatising past. Having said that, there’s one thing for sure about K, she always tried her best not to leave any prayers. She started to get herself closer to Allah SWT by doing extra prayers during the last third of the night.

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “The Lord descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the night remains and says: ‘Who will call upon Me, that I may answer Him? Who will ask of Me, that I may give him? Who will seek My forgiveness, that I may forgive him?’[Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

I feel that this is the greatest gift that Allah SWT has bestowed upon us. Firstly, Allah SWT personally descends every.single.night. to the lowest heaven to listen to us. Secondly, He will personally answer those who call upon Him. Thirdly, He will personally give to those ask of Him. Lastly, He will forgive anyone who seeks for His forgiveness. Just in one night, you can get everything in this world and in the Hereafter. SubhanAllah! How merciful our Creator is? He knows best His creations. He knows we will break and fall apart, and He gives us the perfect solution so that we will be able to pick ourself up again and come back even stronger. I’ve heard of various miraculous stories by a lot of sisters just by doing constant tahajjud. If you’ve read my past posts, I myself vouch on the greatness of tahajjud.

Due to the constant tahajjud which K did, she finally got hold of her emotions and managed to heal the pain caused by her traumatising past. K realised that no human’s love could fix her severely broken heart except with the love of the One who creates her. K also realised that by seeking for sincere forgiveness from al-Ghafur (The Forgiver and Hider of Faults), she knows no sin is too huge for Him to forgive except for the sin of associating partners with Him. All those voices in her head saying that “I’m dirty” and “my sins are too huge for Allah to forgive” aren’t hers; it’s the syaitan’s. Let’s all make do’a for her. 🙂

Realising our own mistakes is really a difficult thing to do. It’s convenient for us to put the blame on others while in fact, we are partly at fault too. Remember that doesn’t matter if you commit a sexual act voluntarily or non-voluntarily, you should repent right away. If you bore a child from your sexual activity, the best you can do for your child is to find a responsible father. And for you to find a responsible father for your child is to ask Allah SWT from your tahajjud, and Allah SWT will personally decide for you the best husband and the best father for your child.

The same solution goes to guys whom have loss their virginity.

Know that if you’re experiencing lots of hardships in your life, it’s a sign that Allah SWT wants you to come back to Him. However if you wish to keep blaming the people around you, then you will never realise that Allah SWT is actually calling out for you and you’ll never improve. Whenever you feel far from Allah SWT, come back and keep making efforts to come back to Him. Whenever in doubt, remember K. InsyaAllah she will be able to make you remember Allah SWT again. And the best thing you could do for the person whom have “sinned” towards you, is to make doa for that person and may Allah SWT grant him/her Hidayah.

I know this is a sensitive topic. And if any of you do not agree with me when I say both the victim and rapist are at fault, then I guess you’ve not received the intended message. However if the rapist is a serial rapist or your dad, then please report.

WallahuAlam.