Rabbish-rah li sadri. Wa yassir li amri. Wah-lul ‘uqdatam min lisani,Yafqahu qawli..
Translation: “My Lord, put my heart at peace for me, make my task easy for me, and loose a knot from my tongue so they may understand my speech.” – (Surah Ta’Ha, 20:25-28)
Bismillah. Let me start this by giving thanks to Allah for still allowing me the chance to breathe the air He create, for this heart that is still beating in my chest and for the opportunity to type out this story for all of you to read.
I had the chance to attend the ‘Learn to love again’ session organized by dearest Shikin. Masyaallah, I cannot describe to you how thankful I was to actually be there. It was such a heartfelt session. Really Alhamdulillah to meet such Masyaallah sisters and hearing their Subhanallah stories :’)
What I’m about to share here with you is my hijrah story and I hope that Insyaallah it will be of benefit to all of us.
In the past, I was someone who did not perform my daily prayers. I fast, but I do not pray. I believe that Allah exists, but I’ve never acknowledged Him. I used to think really highly of people who perform their daily prayers without fail. I always have this qn “how do they even make time for the five daily prayers. Got enough time ke?” For me, my excuses for not performing the prayers is that I simply do not have time for it. Astaghfirullah may Allah forgive me for my ignorance.. How arrogant and how dare of me to say that I do not have time for the Owner of Time. Performing your five daily prayers doesn’t make you religious, it makes you a Muslim. It’s what differentiates us and the kafir.
My dear sisters, I am not proud of who I was but I am very thankful that I got that wake up call from Allah before it is all too late. Sometime three years back,during the last few nights of Ramadhan, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was in a Masjid full of people wearing white. I could not see any of their faces but they were all rushing for Solah. I was with a man and yes I could not see his face too. But something about him made me feel very at ease and so comfortable. This Hamba Allah was showing me how to perform the wudhu so that I could join in the rest for solah too. Whoever he was, I could tell that he was a lovely and gentle person.
There is just something about this man. There is just something about the whole ambience of the Masjid. I, have never felt so peaceful in my whole life before. And I actually felt the peace in that dream, Masyaallah.. It was a very brief dream but up till this day, I still remember every single details of it; Very clearly with my heart and soul. If I could return back to that very same dream, if I could be back at that Masjid, I would definitely want to be back there again. When I woke up from that dream, I had alot of qns going on in my head.
“What is the purpose of that dream?”
“Who was that man?”
I shared this with my parents and they claimed that maybe its a sign from Allah for me to start praying.I pondered over it for a day or two and being human (who never can run away from making mistakes), I eventually forgot about that dream. I went on with my jahiliyah life as per normal until about a year after that..
I was texting a friend on Whatsapp. We were talking when he suddenly asked me a very simple qn, but yet it was one that tug my heart strings so bad. He asked me, “Have you solat?”. At that very second, my eyes started tearing out of nowhere and I suddenly got reminded of that dream I had a year ago. Honestly, the only thing that was going on in my mind at that point of time is “What have you done?” I wanted to literally beat myself up. I hate how ignorant I was. Allah was giving me the sign, He was giving me a wake up call. Yet I chose to ignore it completely. How could I?
From that moment, I decided that it’s time to change. I learn how to solat. And I made a promise to never miss any of my prayers.
A dear friend of mine even got me a book about Solah and she had the cover page all wrapped up nicely with a wrapping paper. When I asked her why,she said that if in any case I need to read the book while I’m outside, I can do so easily and need not feel uncomfortable about it. Subhanallah, I can never thank Allah enough for all that she has done for me. She was also the one who gifted me my first travel telekung and my first Quran with translations. I believe that it was actually Allah helping me, through her. I can only pray that with every prayer I perform using that telekung, and with every verse that I read from that Quran, that she will be granted with the same if not more pahala as/than me. Amin.
A few months after that, I decided that it wasn’t enough. I had to do something more for Allah. I have always been on the receiving end and He has always been giving and giving and giving when He should be the one receiving. It was then when I made the decision to put on the hijab. It was really painful when you search for decent clothings and scarves in your wardrobe and yet you found none. I can never forget how devastating it was. I spent an hour sitting in front of my wardrobe,crying. I was so disappointed with myself. But Alhamdullilah, Allah has made it easy for me.
The first day of putting on the hijab, it felt so different. People who used to greet me with a “hi”, they started to say salam when they saw me. Of course the journey has not been easy. I have my own struggles too and even now I am still stuggling. But I always believed that if you truly want to change for good, Allah will send the good people to help you. Do not wait for Hidayah to come to you. Instead work, chase and look for it.
My dear sisters, for those of you who are already in Hijab, for those of you who have not yet donned the Hijab and for those of you who have the intention of donning the Hijab, my advice to all of you would only be one. Make du’a. Make lots and lots of du’a. For you and for the ones around you. Do not judge people or criticize them, instead raise your hands and make du’a for them. Because maybe their du’a will not be granted by Allah but perhaps, YOUR du’a FOR them, will be granted by Allah. Always help each other and support even the slightest positive change that people make.
We are all in this together. Take care of your heart and fill it with love for Allah and Rasulullah SAW. Lets work towards Jannah 🙂
I love all of you my dear sisters of faith. Lillahi ta’ala.
If you read my post on Learn to Love Again, you will be informed that there will be a Halaqah session this month! The topic would be on ‘Self-esteem’. Do contact me if you wish to be a part of the Halaqah session. 😀
To know why I’m posting other sisters’ Hijrah Story, you can click on this link:
And to read other Hijrah Stories: