Hijrah Story #4: I thought I was good enough


Hijrah Story by: Anonymous Sister



Alhamdulillah, it’s been 2 years plus since I officially donned the hijab. Wearing the hijab was easy for me as my parents will ask me to put it on during Hari Raya. So hijab wasn’t something new to me.

So why didn’t I put it on earlier?

Honestly, I don’t have an answer for that. To me, I was a good person. My definition of good was, not smoking, not drinking, not clubbing and not taking drugs. However, I fail to realise that being good too, means realising that you’re a SERVANT of ALLAH. When I entered secondary school, I had a few friends whom prayed. Paiseh. Because I don’t even know how to pray. So I decided to ask one of them if they could teach me. But all of that was, semangat seminit (motivated for one minute). So when I was fifteen I remembered my brother advised me to start praying, at that point of time, I still have not realise the importance of prayer. I got annoyed, and I said, “Ah, okay.” Astagfirullah. I was truly blinded. My parents, siblings, they all know how to pray. But I never have the urge to know my own religion. I don’t even remember what made me so engrossed with this dunya. It’s not like my parents didn’t sent me to religious class, they did. But I was astray.

So why did I start wearing the hijab?

A year later, Allah gave me hidayah. Syukur Alhamdulillah. It started when I ask myself, “When will I be like them?” [Referring to the sisters who wear the hijab] I then asked one of my seniors whom recently at that point of time has donned the hijab. Alhamdulillah, she was willing to give me advice. I knew hijab is compulsory and at that point of time, my main concern was “What if I took it off?” Alhamdulillah, after the hijab hijrah, I never once feel like taking off my hijab. [Do make dua for me] Hence when you do something for Allah swt, He will definitely test you. Once, one of my classmates asked me, “So, you are officially wearing the hijab?” “Yes” “Oh.. Ikhlas?”. At that point of time, I wasn’t mad, but I was taken aback. Alhamdulillah, that I didn’t throw my D&T book at her. I just replied, “Yes”. But when think about it, “Am I? Am I sincere to put on this hijab?” Alhamdulillah, I am truly grateful that she asked me the question, at least she made me recheck my intention.

; I realised with every comment that people throw at you, is it actually Allah’s way to help us keep our intention firm.

The same year, I was sitting for my ‘N’ level. I remember the day before my mother tongue paper, my dad asked me if I wanted to follow him to my uncles’ place. I rejected his offer because I needed to do my revision. I went all the way to Bugis to study. After asar, I check my phone, and I got A LOT of miss call from my sister. I was annoyed. I thought she wanted to ask me if I wanted to go to my uncles’ place. I didn’t bother to call back. She called me again. I picked up the phone. “Aba kene stroke.” I didn’t know what to do. Alhamdulillah, at that point of time I wasn’t alone, so my friend and I quickly pack up and head to Changi General Hospital. With my clown nose and puffed eyes, I took the train. Fast forward, I got to know that my dad had a mild stroke, hence only half of his body is paralysed. I remember crying my eyes out whenever I did my prayers. I was scared. Alhamdulillah, till now my father is in good health.

; Sometimes the hardship you go through isn’t a punishment from Allah swt, rather it is a way for Him to tell us that He will be here. “With every “Oh Allah”, He replied 100 times “I am here”.”

Sometimes, you get tired and it’s okay. Sometimes, you feel like giving up and it’s okay. Sometimes, you feel like you’re going through it alone and it’s okay. Negativity, it’s okay to have it. But as long as you don’t bury it. Throw it away, pray. Hold onto your prayers. That’s the best way to push away your negativity. Pray although you feel it’s difficult. Like exercising, its tiring right? But if you push yourself to the limits, you’ll get the results. Prayers too, you don’t feel like it’s working, but just keep praying. You’ll get there.

Always remember that Allah swt, is the Most Merciful, the Most Forgiving. I believe that even if you only utter “I want to change” Allah swt will make it easy for you. I believe that Allah swt never wants to send His servant to the path of torment. Keep striving. Allah swt cares for us more than a mother cares for her baby. Every high, there will be low. So every fall is just a lesson for us to love again. To love Him. To check our intention.

I hope you’ve benefited from reading my story, well now it’s your turn!

Before leaving this page, I would like to ask you three questions.

“If you had a chance to give yourself an advice in the past, what would you tell yourself? And if you can change one thing about yourself now, what is it? And lastly, what do you aspire to be in the future?”

Do take time to answer it, maybe you’ll be surprise of the answers that you give.

[Once done, maybe you can paste it on your bedroom wall. Motivation]

Alhamdulillah, that’s all. Do make dua for me, and May Allah swt ease all of your affairs! Thank you for reading.


If you read my post on Learn to Love Again, you will be informed that there will be a  Halaqah session this month! The topic would be on ‘Self-esteem’. Do contact me if you wish to be a part of the Halaqah session. 😀

To know why I’m posting other sisters’ Hijrah Story, you can click on this link:

Intro: Learn to Love Again

And to read other Hijrah Stories:

Hijrah Story #1: I was forced into a Tahfiz!

Hijrah Story #2: A Peaceful Vivid Dream

Hijrah Story #3: Exposed to Violence and Sex During Childhood


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