Assalaamu’alaikum Wr. Wbt.
If you’ve a chance to send a letter to yourself, when and what would it be? For me, I chose when I was 14 because that’s when I started to be fully responsible for my deeds – baligh (I know I know. I’m a late bloomer). 14 – when friends are most important, hormones are raging, people’s judgments are your “mirror”, dunya over Deen (religion), etc.
Dear 14-year old Shikin,
Life is short, so live it right because there’s a permanent life after death. Death doesn’t come at old age only. Angel of death can visit you anytime. So be wary of your intentions and actions because you’ve fully accountable for your own deeds now.
Mama and Abah have given you the proper education and religion to prepare you for this life and the hereafter. Mama and Abah may put you into a secular school but it’s because they had no choice. They tried. Allah SWT knows they have given their best, it’s up to you to do the rest. It’s up to you to seek knowledge about your own religion. You’re not too young, it’s your responsibility now.
Friends and peer pressure are what you should be concerned the most now. At this age, you’re easily swayed. Your Imaan (faith) goes up and down as fast as the waves in the sea changes its form. When you see your friends are better off than you, you would want to be as good as them. When they have branded school bags, you’d be influenced to own one too. When they have pretty straight hair, you’d go to the extent of waking up earlier for school just to straighten it when in fact that’s not your natural.
Having boyfriend at your age is a reassurance of your value. If you don’t have one, you’re not as valuable as the other female friends of yours. Know that you’re able to choose anyone, not because you’re a gem, but because the guys too, they want to feel valued. You can be a Queen Bee, but if all the guys have a taste of you, what will you be left to save your dignity? How are you going to face your future husband?
Trends shouldn’t be a reflection of who you should be. When you look into the mirror, are you, you or are you a victim of trend? Know that trend is one of the most dangerous aspects of everyone’s life because it can turn you into someone materialistic without you realising. When you come to a point where you have no money left to buy those in-trend stuff and you had to work for it, you’ll realise that you’ve become an addict. Are you a slave of trend or are you a slave of Allah SWT?
Mama and Abah. Do not neglect them. At your age, it’s easy to overlook their feelings. Just by saying “tsk” can hurt them so badly. I know friends are important, but family can never be compared to them. You should know your priority. Who brought you up? Who wakes up in the middle of the night and pray for you? Who gives you pocket money?
Religion may not be the most important part of your life at this age. But like I’ve said earlier on, Angel of death will visit you anytime. When it comes, it’s too late. Your book of deeds is as clean as a white cloth now. How are you going to compose your book of deeds? On Judgment Day, you’ll be accountable for your own book and your friends will be accountable for theirs. If anything goes wrong, you can’t point your fingers on them because you chose to be with them.
It’s a challenging stage of life for you. But know that Allah SWT is always there for you when all of your friends go against you. Allah SWT is always there for you when you feel down. You don’t need a boyfriend to cheer you up cz he can only cheer you up when he’s there with you. When he’s not, you’ll be crying yourself to sleep. Be happy genuinely because you know Allah SWT will always protect you.
I understand it’s difficult to resist your teenage desires. But I assure you that you won’t regret it when you grow up or when you enter heaven, InsyaAllah. Busy yourself with what Allah SWT wants from you. Choose your friends wisely. Choose those who can bring you closer to Allah SWT. Make Rasulullah SAW your only “boyfriend”. He will teach you everything that you need to live in this life and please keep yearning to meet him in heaven. When you see all your friends succumbing their lives to trends, feel liberated because you’re free from this evil system of life. Be nice to your elderly because they’re getting older. Be a gem in the society. It’s rare to see people of your age contributing back to the society where in actual fact, society needs strong, enthusiastic and committed people like you.
Don’t worry, Shikin. It’s okay to make mistakes along the way. It’s okay to feel left out by other teenagers because wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it and right is right, even if no one is doing it. Be a righteous person and be a servant of Allah SWT. In the end, you’re only concern of what Allah SWT thinks of you because He’s the One who will reward you in the Hereafter.
24-year old Shikin