Marriage Is Not The End Of Life

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiim…
Assalaamu’alaikum Wr. Wbt.

Being surrounded by undergraduate students, many of them told me of their intention to marry. However there were a lot of BUTS. Those undergraduates were mainly in their early twenties which made me I realise that I was married at quite a young age of 22. Being an undergraduate myself who’s been married for 17 months now, I had to reassure them that marriage isn’t the end of life and at the same time it’s not really the start of life too. I would say, it’s the start of a whole new adventure (literally). (Read: How I Met My Husband)

InsyaAllah I’ll try to debunk some myths and worries that people have about marrying at a young age (especially as an undergraduate) or marriage in general.

1. “But… I’ve no savings for the wedding and for the future.”

 Financial issues have got to be the top worry. Trust me, if you keep running after money, money will keep running away from you. And in this increasingly demanding pressure for a grand wedding, you’ll never be able to gather that much money in a short time.

This goes especially to undergraduates or students as a whole. If you’ve already someone in mind, do not drag the relationship. For the wedding, perform what is wajib and leave what’s wasteful. A grand wedding won’t determine a long-lasting marriage. It will only determine a long-lasting loan! (Read: Islamic Couple?)

If both you and your future spouse are still studying and you can’t afford to pay for the school fees, get a healthy “loan” from the parents. Meaning, discuss with your future in laws if they can still provide for their daughter’s studies until you get a job and able to pay them back. If you’re really sincere, InsyaAllah they’ll be able to feel your sincerity.

Plus, don’t worry. Allah SWT help you, insyaAllah. Isn’t He’s the One who provides rizq (sustenance)?

2. “But… I’ll have to stop studying!”

Especially for those who are still studying, this is a huge myth. However, this is greatly depending on who you’re married to. If you’re married to someone who very much placed great importance on gaining knowledge, then InsyaAllah you’ll be able to keep studying till the end of time.

What’s important here is to know the objective of the marriage before marrying. Objective is important because it directs where you want the marriage to head to. And if during the ta’aruf (getting to know) session you realise that your objective and the objective of the person who you intend to marry are not align, then maybe the person just isn’t for you.

Just a word of caution. There might be a period of time whereby you’ll have to be separated from your husband to pursue your studies especially if you’re pursuing it overseas. Maybe 4 months, 6 months, a year or more? This is the sacrifices that you’ve to go through. But trust me, you’ll have a halal motivation to go through this tough period together! And if you’re doing it only for Allah SWT, then InsyaAllah it will be easy for both of you.

3. “But… I’ll have to stay at home and serve my husband only.”

Partly, this isn’t true. Of cz your main priority is your husband but after you’ve served your husband, take care of the house, you can serve the society too. While your husband is out to work, with the permission of your husband, go out and contribute back to the society or gain some Islamic knowledge. Even if you’ve your own children, bring them together with you! You’ll be a role model to them, InsyaAllah – a supermum who doesn’t only care about what’s happening at home, but also cares for the society.

Oh, and a good husband will help you with the house chores whenever he can and he treats you well. Didn’t our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW say that the best among you is the best towards his wife?

4. “But… I’ve yet to repay my parent’s kindness.”

This is the greatest myth of all time. Many a time people say this because their definition of repaying parent’s kindness is through monetary term. No one says that you’ve to stop serving your parents when you’re married! Serving our parents is an ongoing process till their last breath. Or even after they’ve passed away, we can still perform ‘amal jari’ah (continuous deeds) for them.

From my own experience, I can confidently say that the wellbeing of my parents gets even better with the presence of my husband. He doesn’t only treat them way better than I do, he also provides for them way more than I expect. I guess indirectly, I’m repaying my parents more than I thought I could (although we can never really repay their kindness fully).

5. “But… I’m afraid of choosing the wrong guy.”

You don’t choose.Your parents don’t choose. No one will choose for you. You ask Allah SWT to choose. Humans make error, but God won’t. He creates you, He knows what’s best for you. Even though you think the person is the one for you, fact is, you wouldn’t know. Always always make istikharah and leave the decision to Allah SWT. Allah knows what’s best for you.

After constant istikharah and putting faith in Allah SWT, rest assured that Allah SWT will show you the way. Allah SWT will make it easy for you if the person really meant for you. However it will be made difficult for you if the person isn’t for you. Have trust in Him, and accept sincerely whatever the out gonna be. Even if you did not get the person, know that Allah SWT has placed you in the best position.

6. “But… I’m afraid of responsibility.”

Never-form-a-habit-ofLike it or not, even now that you’re single, you’re actually shouldering a certain amount of responsibility. We are just going to get older by the day, so why do we keep running away from responsibility? Responsibility makes us more mature and wise. You’ll realise that two person of the same age, but one married and the other not, they act differently being the former acting in a wiser way. Yes, marriage will make you wiser. It’s up to individuals how they carry themselves through their marriage. It’s either you take it as a positive adventure, or otherwise. It’s all up to you and your attitude. (Read: Am I Ready For Marriage?)

If you’re afraid of marrying someone who’s irresponsible, look up point number 5 again and again. And if you’ve any doubts, again, point number 5. Whatever we do, we have to aim to seek Allah SWT’s pleasure. Ask Allah SWT to be gifted with someone whose goal is to reunite with you in Jannah because he/she wants to meet Allah SWT together with you.

I hope whoever is reading this will be blessed with someone who’s able to complete half of your Deen and that you’ll be able to taste the sweetness of marriage soon, InsyaAllah. 🙂

1149025_628686887161766_1271042974_nWAllahualam.

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8 Secrets To Kick Start Your Hijrah Journey

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wbt.

This post is based on my Facebook post on 6th October 2013. The period I went through a process of purification of my heart. I was 22 and not married yet (Read: How I Met My Husband). I would say that my change was a drastic one and ever since then I’ve had the opportunity to talk to some people on my change.

Many asked me, “How do I manage to do all these?”. Well, it started with only an intention. A strong intention to be a better Muslimah. That’s all it takes, but of cz the hardships that I gonna face were/are huge. And the more drastic the change is, the greater the impact gonna be. And no doubt, more tears shed.

So here are my secrets, ermmm, they are not really secrets actually.

1. Never Miss Any Prayer

It’s very crucial not to miss any prayer. Even when you’re outside, and there’s no surau nearby, go to any staircase which people rarely use. Ladies, bring a mini telekung with you. Prayers will disconnect you from this worldly life. Eg, when you’re sooo into shopping, prayers will bring you grounded again. Prayers will also turn you into a more patient person. Do not rush it. Cz you’re seeking Allah SWT’s mercy and you’re asking for a place in His home. Be polite.

And do you know, every time you read an ayat of Al-fatiha, Allah SWT will reply you? So if you just blabber everything out without pausing on every ayat, how is He supposed to reply you? Even a person will give you a good slap if you talk that way. You’re talking to your Creator here. (Read: Careless In Prayers? Careless In Everything Else!)

The easiest yet toughest way to change, is waking up in the middle of the night to pray tahajjud. That’s when Allah SWT goes down to the lowest of heaven to listen to those who’s asking from him.

2. Think Twice Thrice Frice(??)

Whatever you wanna do, think of the consequences in the Hereafter. Yes, it’s too far ahead to think of it, but it will save you from many errors and bad decision makings. When you wanna do something, ask yourself “will Rasulullah SAW be proud of me? Will Allah SWT be pleased with me?” Remember, whatever actions done in this world, will be presented in Judgment Day. You would want to have a good resume right?

3. Feel The Guilt & Act Upon It

Only we know the mistakes that we’ve done to ourselves. It’s easy to distinguish good from bad. But nowadays, it takes wisdom and lots of courage to do good and leave the bad.

To me, Hidayah comes in various forms. But for sure, you know you’re getting Hidayah when you’re able to sense guilt in whatever you’re doing. For eg, not wearing the hijab. Many say they’re waiting for Hidayah to come. Yes, they do feel the guilt of not wearing the hijab but they didn’t realise it’s actually Hidayah knocking on their doors. But if your stubborn door doesn’t want to open, how is Hidayah supposed to enter? We can give 101 excuses, but in the end, Allah SWT still knows what’s inside the deepest part in our heart.

4. Be Courageous

This is the most difficult stage. But once you go through it, you know you’re a survivor. This is where the change will begin. I’ve got friends coming to me saying about people around them are belittling their intentions to be better. Or they’re afraid of what others gonna talk about them. If this fear is really pulling you down, then you will never change.

Pray for a stronger heart. Have faith that Allah SWT knows what’s best for His slaves. He wouldn’t command us to do things that aren’t beneficial for us. We must understand that the hardships Allah SWT is putting us into is for perfection. Never have that inch of doubt in Him.

5. It’s Okay To Be Alone

Really, it’s okay to be alone. People will leave you. People will mock at you. People will disagree with you. But you know you’re not really alone. Allah SWT is nearer to us than the nerves behind our neck. And it’s perfectly alright to cry. I’ve cried buckets. And no one sees it. It’s a painful journey. But we should know, the more hardships you overcome, the higher Allah SWT will elevate your status. That’s Allah SWT’s promise.

It’s a bonus if you’ve someone whom you can share your journey with. But if your partner isn’t halal yet, quickly get it halal certified. xD
If your partner isn’t ready to go through the journey with you the halal way, then that’s another courageous decision you need to make. (Read: Islamic Couple?)

6. Always Hungry For Knowledge 

Never stop gaining knowledge. Even if you’ve to travel far, by all means. Every step you make to gain knowledge, or to worship Allah SWT, you’ll be rewarded. Again, even if you’re alone to seek knowledge, do so. Pray to be granted more knowledge.

“Rabbi zidnee ‘ilma”
Oh Lord, increase me in knowledge.

My first baby steps to knowing Islam more was to go for talks/syarahan. Instead of burning your weekends with movies, go for talks. Movies will drown you further into this dunia. Really. (Read: Muslim Coming From Secular Education? Join IIUM!)

7. Read the Quran, Zikir and Selawat

Stop listening to haram music. It will change your life totally. Trust me. In the morning on your way to work or school, listen to your favourite surah. When you listen to it everyday, you’ll be able to memorise at least quarter/half/all the surah. You’ll instantly find your heart at peace and your day will be more blessed. No kidding.

Zikir/selawat when you’re cooking, ironing clothes, etc. If you find yourself singing or humming to a song, quickly istighfar and start with zikir/selawat. To get to the habit of zikir/selawat subconsciously will take quite sometimes. So keep “scolding” yourself when you realised you’re singing. Look up on zikr/selawat that were practised by our Prophet Muhammad SAW. Your heart will not only be at peace, you’ll also be rewarded for practising a Sunnah. MasyaAllah!

8. Be Wise. Be Sincere.

The road to change is a bumpy one. It’s not easy and of cz, life is never easy. This life is a test. But why do we want to give up a permanent life in the Hereafter just because we’re too attached to this life? Just because Hellfire is sugar coated with wonderful desires and temptations, we fall into it. 60 years in this world versus forever in the Hereafter, which one will you choose? Actions speak louder than words. When you’ve sincerity in your heart, it will automatically show outwardly in your actions.

In this world that is filled with lies, we should keep praying sincerely to Allah SWT to be presented with nothing but the truth. (Read: Do You Need To Be A Sufi Or Salafi To Enter Jannah?)

Let’s struggle in the path of Allah SWT. The reward is waiting for us in the Hereafter.

What happens in the past, Allah SWT will forgive you if you’re sincere with your taubah. Which means, you’ve to do Solat Taubat. The past doesn’t matter, what matters most is the condition you’re in when you die.

Wallahualam.

PS: Do share in the comment box below if you’ve your own secrets which you feel may be beneficial to our brothers and sisters!