Assalamualaikum Wrt. Wbt.
Ever since I resumed my studies almost two months ago, I’ve been getting this question “You’re married, and you still want to study?” or “You’re married, and you can still study?”
Yes, I am 24. I am still in my first year as an undergraduate and insyaAllah graduating when I am 27. I am a Singaporean studying in Kuala Lumpur (KL), Malaysia. I have to leave my husband four days in a week. I will have to go back every.single.week back and forth Singapore – KL (journey from home to school by land – 6 to 7 hours). When I’m in Malaysia, I’m a student. When I’m in Singapore, I’m a wife. So I play multiple roles in a week. Contrary if I were to remain being a student at a local university, I would have celebrated my graduation day with my batch mates this year.
So, back to the question – “You’re married, and you can still study?”
My answer is simple, I can study way better now than I was a student previously before marriage.
My intention in writing this post is because I’ve seen the increasing trend of couples marrying at a fairly young age; who are still undergraduate students. After having a personal discussion with one of my psychology Professors on this matter, do I advocate marrying while studying? Yes and no. Consider these factors:
What’s your intention for marriage?
This is the crux of the matter. The intention of marriage. Regularly we hear “if you want to avoid maksiat (vices), get married quickly”. If you want to marry with your current so called “other half” because you want to stop doing maksiat, then drop the thoughts of marriage. Marriage is such a sacred matter. It goes beyond making all the haram to halaal because if your reason is that, once you already get what you want, then is that the end for your marriage?
Marrying should only be for Allah. You want to marry because marriage can bring you closer to Allah. Marriage can elevate your Imaan. Marriage can turn you into an even better person/’abid(slave) and khalifah(leader) of Allah.
ISTIKHARAH. Let your spouse be “handpicked” and chosen by Allah SWT.
Are you prepared to go through anything? Like really, ANYTHING?
You know you marry for Allah if you can go through anything and everything that hits you. You know you are strong with only Allah alone if let’s say you come into an argument with your spouse. You know you will take responsible actions because you do it for Allah. Every action you take because you want to get Allah’s mercy.
I’m not going to lie. If your parents or in-laws do not want to help you finance your studies, things are going to be hard on you. The husband will have to work and finance the family. My Prof told me she had students who were married on their first year and divorced on the their last year just because both parents do not want to support them financially and their marriage got weaker because of that. On the other hand, she also had students whose parents finance every single cent for them and they need not have to worry about money, and Alhamdulillah their marriage still going on well.
So before marriage, especially if you’re the guy, you need to sit down with the other party’s family and discuss how are they going to help you out (maybe loan without interest?) with financial issues. If your tawakkal in Allah is super strong, you believe Allah will provide you with rizq after marriage, maybe you would want to take the plunge. If you and your spouse agree that both of you can survive on just rice, egg and soya sauce during hard times, then Alhamdulillah.
Oh yes, how bout if you’re blessed with children?
No distraction from the opposite gender.
I mentioned in the first factor, you should not marry because you want to avoid maksiat. However, the beauty of marriage is just masyaAllah. Once you marry for Allah, insyaAllah your marriage will be filled with tranquillity, affection and compassion. So being a student, one of our greatest distractions is the opposite gender.
During the first class of one of the subjects, I sat at the last row of the “female section”. When I entered, the classroom was still quite empty. I didn’t realise there were going to be quite a number of guys because when I entered the other classes, the guys were almost non-existent. Lol. The guys in this class, they are particularly cheeky for I don’t know what reason. So when they make jokes, I see the girls smiling sheepishly and trying to glance the kind I’m-looking-but-I’m-not at the guys. I was thinking to myself, if I wasn’t married, I will for sure try to peek at the guys too. SubhanAllah. How much Allah has protect me.
Being a married student has it’s perks and at the same time, it can be challenging. You can ask me how’s marriage and my first answer would always be “BEST!”. But that’s because Alhamdulillah I believe it was because of the istikharah I did and Allah has chosen for me to be married to a responsible man. At the same time, I know myself. I know that I will be able to adapt with whatever situation that comes and I know I will be strong because Allah is with me. I also realised that the words “seeking knowledge” have a totally new meaning for me. If before it would mean getting a degree, now it means doing it for Allah. I’m not saying that I am pious, those who know me will know that I am made of flaws, but I am always trying, insyaAllah.
Now that my husband is away to resume his studies and we will be separated for 4 months, that’s another challenge for us. I ask for all of you who are reading this to make du’a for us, insyaAllah.
Do I have any regrets taking a re-route in life 2 years plus ago? No. Never, insyaAllah. From a future Programmer (programming and I can never be bestfriends, that’s why I dump it. Lol.) to a future Islamic Psychologist, insyaAllah? 🙂