I Love You For The Sake Of Allah SWT

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiim…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wbt.

MasyaAllah. Today marks the second year of our marriage. Time flies so fast when you’re with the person you love. I can still vividly remember how I met my husband (click here to read). I guess one of the reasons why it still remains fresh in my memory is because I’ve been sharing my story with quite a number of people who asked.

I never really knew what does it take to love someone for the sake of Allah. Before marrying my husband, I thought loving him for the sake of Allah is going to be simple; I just have to obey Allah’s commandments and I will naturally obey my husband. When I finally got married, I realised it wasn’t that simple to act it out.

For me, there is no such thing as honeymoon period. Honeymoon period to me is a myth. From the moment we are being declared as husband and wife, that’s when we start to shoulder our own respective responsibility that Allah SWT has set for us. Suddenly marriage sounds scary, huh? Nope, not really…

It is human nature that we are always wanting and demanding for our rights. Especially in marriage! However we will never find happiness and contentment in our marriage if half the time we are arguing about our rights.

Loving for the sake of Allah SWT would mean you fulfilling your responsibility towards Allah SWT. And knowing that you won’t be able to fulfil your responsibility completely if you do not be responsible over who Allah has put your responsibility under.

So how do we know what are our responsibilities? It’s right there, in the Quran and Sunnah. I won’t elaborate the details because I don’t wish to spark any debate and that’s not the objective of this post. All I wish to highlight is that, once we’ve performed our responsibility, then we are in the position to ask for our rights. Most of the time, you don’t even have to ask for it, it will come to you naturally because Allah SWT is pleased with you.

As of now, I am away from my husband for exactly two months now. Being in a long distance relationship is not easy. I remembered the first few days and weeks after my husband left, I felt empty. Since I’m schooling in Malaysia, going back to Singapore has been quite a challenge cz knowing that my husband isn’t there for me to pinch his chubby face.

My husband always reminds me that we are doing this for Allah SWT. He’s seeking knowledge and I am seeking knowledge for no one but Allah SWT. This is an ‘ibadah and this is our responsibility as ‘abid (slave) and khalifah (leader) of Allah SWT.

Whenever I feel like breaking down because I’m missing my husband so badly, I will remind myself again, this is Allah SWT’s way of giving me a chance to experience the real meaning of loving my husband for His sake. Maybe Allah SWT put us in this situation because we are becoming too dependent on each other. Now that I miss my husband, I learn to depend on Allah SWT again. Strengthening my relationship with Allah SWT directly strengthens my relationship with my husband, SubhanAllah.

Being apart from my husband also allows me to place my highest of tawakul on Allah SWT. I learn to leave my husband under the care of Allah SWT. Knowing that whatever happens, it’s the best that Allah SWT has planned for us.

So the next time when someone asks me, “how to love someone for the sake of Allah SWT?” I’d say ‘responsibility’ and ‘tawakul’. Once you are able to accept that, then you’ll be able to experience honeymoon period all day, every day and eternally, InsyaAllah.
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WAllahualam.

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Fathers.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wrt. Wbt.

Last week I blogged on mothers (click here to read). This time round, I’m going to blog about my fathers, InsyaAllah. Mothers are important, but we won’t be here in this dunya without the presence of fathers. Fathers play a vital role and at times, we underappreciate our fathers. Abah (my biological father) and Bapak (father-in-law) are two of the most awesomest men in my life.

Abah is my first hero. He is funny, firm, and such a caring father to his children. Since I am the last child, I am the baby of the family (not anymore ever since my nephew was born.. huhu), I choose to think that Abah loves me the most amongst my siblings because I am the most well behaved. Hehe. However so, Abah is fair toward all his children .

I remembered when I was in secondary school, when Abah called me and my friend saw me talking on the phone, I will always end the conversation with “I love you too” and my friends thought that I was talking to my non-existent boyfriend. Abah is never embarrassed to express his love toward his children. Yeap, even to my brothers. Even up till now, we are married and my sister has a child, he will still say “I love you” to us and Mama of course. MasyaAllah.

Abah may have make a number of wrong decisions in his life, but that’s because we are humans and we err. Even when things were hard in the past and we hated Abah’s decisions, Mama will always remind us “Last time when you were younger, Abah will always be the one to tie all of your shoelaces!”. We began to appreciate Abah again. Such small contribution yet huge impact. MasyaAllah.

Just like Mama, Abah played a huge role in my religious life too. I will always have Abah’s back whenever I talked to him about my every day struggles. Abah doesn’t like to on songs while we were on the road despite his love for music. He will either play religious CDs or he will be reciting the 99 names of Allah. He will always encourage me to memorise the 99 names and I have always enjoyed listening to my dad reciting it.

Up till now, I’ve always remembered Abah’s wise words when I told him of my intention to marry my husband and his wise words have been my advise to almost all of those ladies who approached me with the intention to marry. He says so beautifully “Abah won’t decide for you, Mama won’t decide for you, and you don’t decide for yourself. Let Allah decide for you”. MasyaAllah. I truly believe it’s because I listened to my dad, I did istikharah and I put my utmost faith in Allah, Alhamdulillah my husband is specially “handpicked” by Allah for me.

Moving on to Bapak. My husband was so close to being a valedictorian during his convocation but because he couldn’t be contacted, the committee gave the responsibility to someone else. He felt really devastated for not having the chance to be the one delivering the speech. He said if he had the chance, he wanted to share about Bapak’s struggle. So my husband shared with me instead and indeed Bapak is such an incredible man.

Bapak did not (and still does not) have the word “tired” in his dictionary while struggling during his younger days being a dad and the sole breadwinner to five little children. Bapak used to juggle three jobs. As bapak did not have any paper qualification, he had to work as a cleaner at different places. Bapak will come back home from work to have his meal, dozed off on the sofa for an hour or so, then made his way for the next job. MasyaAllah. Such incredible strength to feed the family and to make sure his children have proper education.

Bapak is a perfect living example of a husband who struggled really hard for the family while his wife becomes a stay at home mother and nurtures his children. Sound really backward and unattractive, but trust me, you will see the wisdom behind it. Take a look at just one of his children. Just one. Currently Bapak does not have to work anymore because his children can support his expenses, however because he is so used to working his entire life, he still keeps one of his jobs. Bapak also doesn’t like to be dependent on others. He just hates to burden anyone.

Bapak is such a generous man. Whenever Bapak meets my grandmother (Abah’s dad) or even her siblings, Bapak will never fail to give them some money. Bapak does not like to show off his generosity. Despite me being a daughter-in-law who should serve Bapak, Bapak never puts any expectation on me but instead he treats me as a student. He will always always always come to me when no one is around, pass me some extra allowance and then he will walk away quickly. MasyaAllah. He may not earn a lot, but he really gives a lot. And I really mean it. It’s a lot.

There’s just something about fathers that are amazing. They are protective, supportive and fearless. I remembered when I decided to wear the niqab and I told my family, Abah was the first one to give his full support. He did not allow anyone to talk negatively about my decision to don the niqab. He even went to the extent of reprimanding others when they try to talk me out about removing my niqab. Just like Abah, Bapak is equally protective and supportive of me with my niqab. MasyaAllah… My journey as a niqabi would be much tougher if it’s not for them. Alhamdulillah.

Ouh yeah… MasyaAllah. Both of Abah and Bapak loveeeeeee their grandchild(ren). Abah will go wherever my nephew is while Bapak always buys toys for his grandchildren. SubhanAllah, the way they entertain their grandchild(ren) is really adorable. At times I will look at them instead of my cute niece and nephews. Hehe. I really really hope one day Allah SWT will grant me the chance to witness Abah and Bapak playing with my own kids, insyaAllah.

Before I end, I want to give a shout out to Abah because I’m sure Abah will be reading this (sadly Bapak is not into social media). Abah! Thank you so much for driving me around to any destination ever since school days up till me being someone’s wife. You do not mind fetching and sending me in the wee hours from bus terminal even though you are tired from a whole day of appointments. I truly appreciate it and I love you so much! And I know you still love me the most up till now. Heheheeee…..

Oh my… Is it obvious that I’m a daddy’s girl? Heh. It’s difficult to see who Mama loves most because you know, it hurts if Mama were to give more attention on one of us. So a mother must act neutral although I know Mama also loves me the most. Hahahaha. Oh, hi there nephew.

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Tell me. Who wouldn’t love this bambam?

FATHERS

FATHERSSS

Allahu’alam.

Mothers.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wrt. Wbt.

On 27th November, my mom, turned a year older. Whereas on 28th November, it was my parents-in-law’s anniversary. I have always wanted to blog on this topic but I guess this is a perfect time for me to write about both Mama (my biological mother) and Mak (mother-in-law).

Both my mothers have very different personalities and yet they share a common weapon in bringing up their children.

Let me first share about Mama. Truth to be told, my family was once living in luxury. I was too young to taste it tho. However, Allah’s will, and in a blink of an eye, all those luxuries just vanished into thin air. Although my family wasn’t living in poverty, but we were living just below average. We were also living in fear because my dad trusted his childhood friend too much that he agreed to be a guarantor from illegal debtors for him. When his friend ran away, our family became the target. No, I don’t blame my dad at all. He has a kind heart and he can’t see people who are in need of money.

All my siblings were quite young. I was the youngest. Because our house was the target now, my parents decided to seek shelter from our relatives for their children’s safety. I was separated from some of my siblings because there were four of us and it wouldn’t be convenient for my relatives to accommodate their own family and mine.

It went on for at least three years until Mama couldn’t take it anymore. Which mom is able to live separately with her children?  She gathered all strength and courage, and tries to make things right again. She brought my eldest brother to our house that was filled with splashes of paints on the front door, with the keyholes being filled with dried super glue. I can’t imagine how Mama faced all those embarrassments, walking up the staircase with spray stains “O$P$” together with our house unit on the side walls. I can’t imagine how she had to face our neighbours while she struggled with the house door and trying to repaint it. I can’t imagine how she lived in that house for days and weeks without electricity and water just so that she can call the house filled with cobwebs home again. MasyaAllah…

Mama has been working for the longest time. Just because of a few wrong financial decisions made more than a decade ago, she is still working in a fast-food restaurant when she is 55 years old now. On last Friday (I reached home at 12 midnight), I came all the way from Kuala Lumpur so that I can spend the whole day with her but much to my disappointment, during Fajr, my mom took a last minute cupping booking after her morning shift which means she will only be free after Isya’ prayer. I was utterly sad but I came to my senses. She’s not getting younger and she doesn’t want to die with the burden of having to be accountable for the debts during Judgment Day.

Mama is a very soft-hearted person. She easily cries. My siblings will always make fun of her whenever her eyes start to well up whenever we watch sad movies. At 16, I joined an event and we had to give a speech to our own mother in front of a crowd. My mum cried at everyone’s speech except mine. She said I have no feelings. I couldn’t really comprehend the technique of crying at that period because I thought I was strong. However, after I became wiser, I had to give another speech at another event when I was 22. This time round, I couldn’t even continue with my speech because I realised how much sacrifices my mum has made for her children. One of the reasons I cried was because I was going to leave her for four years because I just get accepted into my current school in Kuala Lumpur. But little did I expect that I am going to lead a new life few months after that.

There’s so much about selfless Mama I wish I could share here.

Mak on the other hand has always been a housewife. Mak is a very friendly person and she is lovable my many.  She is a mother of five and masyaAllah all her children are successful. All her children are not only knowledgeable about the worldly life, they are also extremely knowledgeable about the Deen. I would call them ‘world-changers’.

Mak and Bapak (my father-in-law) did not come from a wealthy family. They start from scratch and make their way up. They did not live an easy life initially but because of their dedication for their children’s future, they are able to reap what they painstakingly sow. Not that they expecting anything in return from their children, but because of they take into great consideration of the family institution that Allah SWT has bestowed them with ease now.

Just to note, I am not comparing my family with my in-laws family. Every family has their own challenges and it’s just so that Allah SWT wants my family to go through a particular hardship whereas my in-laws with other set of hardship. Ultimately, all those hardships are Allah’s way of calling us to Him.

Back to Mak. Honestly, I would say I am a terrible daughter-in-law. I do  not cook at home, I go back home as and when (due to school), and Mak has every right to be mad at me for leaving her son alone in Jordan. But Mak has never once talk to me into quitting school because she knows the importance of education. Mak is every woman’s ideal mother-in-law. She has never interfered into any of her children’s marriage life for no legit reason.

Just like Mama,  Mak is such a selfless person. Both of them taught me the art of giving. Mama, even though we have not much for ourselves, she must always give even it is just a dollar or two. Whenever we go for religious talks, she will always give me $2 to be put into the donation box. Mak on the other hand, she taught me to give more if you have more. I remembered when we were in Jordan and a Syrian lady knocked on our door. She was asking for some donation and on top of the monetary donation, Mak packed for her all the food stuff like cakes and cookies, etc, and we are left with just a bit. She said we can buy again next time. She always says this “if we help people, Allah will help us”. MasyaAllah.

Now, I mentioned earlier that both of them share a common weapon to struggle through life and that’s – TAHAJJUD.

Honestly, Mama has never really taught me about tahajjud. When I was younger, I always saw Mama on the praying mat whenever I needed to go to the toilet. It’s either she was in her sujood, or she was crying while raising her hands asking from her Lord. She was totally oblivious of her surroundings. Even up till now, when Mama ends her night shift at past 10pm and she has morning shift which requires her to clock in at 7am, she will never fail to perform tahajjud. Mama is a rather quiet person. When we were going through hard times, she never complains. She bottles up all  problems to herself yet at the same time her heart is always full. Her tawakul for her Lord is amazing and I have so much to learn from her.

My sister-in-law told us before that as far as possible, Mak never leaves her tahajjud. It’s amazing at how Mak was able to bring up five children all on her own while Bapak went out to work. Imagine all the struggles she had to face every single day. Imagine the sleepless nights she had to go through. She won’t be strong on her own. She has Allah with her. As I’ve not seen Mak during her struggles, my description does not even 1% truly display the struggles she had went through.

When mothers wake up for tahajjud, the first group of people they mention in their du’a are their children. As long as they are still breathing, even how tired they are, their mouth and heart will never stop making du’a for their children. Even when you are married and have your own children, their du’a for you will never stop. SubhanAllah. Love of a mother can never be replaced.

My sister-in-law shared with me once if I remember correctly “if you (mothers) do not wake up for tahajjud and make du’a for your children, your children will lose out because there are others out there who are making making du’a in their tahajjud for their children.”. MasyaAllah. Indeed. I can’t imagine what will happen to us if my Mothers did not perform tahajjud.

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I hope one day when I’ve become a mother myself, I will be able to be as strong as them and place my highest tawakul in Allah SWT. Ameen.

Allahu’alam.