Your Spouse is Your Mirror

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamu’alaikum Wr. Wbt.

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives”. [At-Tirmidhi]

It is not uncommon now to hear about couples divorcing when in fact their marriage has been less than five years. A recent survey made by Berita Harian, the main reason for divorce is unfaithfulness of spouse. If you can understand Malay language, you may read the full article here.

For that reason, I have decided to compile all marriage tips that I’ve posted sometimes back on FB. Although I may not be the best person to advice as my marriage has not even reached four years, I sincerely hope that these tips will come in handy for any married couples, insyaAllah. Most importantly, it serves as a reminder for me too.

I name this post as ‘Your Spouse is Your Mirror’ because I hold on dear to the hadith above. If you treat your wife good, then InsyaAllah she will reciprocate with good treatment and vice versa. So if you feel your marriage is not bringing peace into your home, check on yourself first and work things out. However, I am not stereotyping to all marriages because in this world they are some exceptions. I know of people who are super good to their spouse yet their spouse reciprocates with bad treatment.

The list is quite comprehensive but I hope these tips will be beneficial, insyaAllah. There’s no order because I copy paste it according to the time line I’ve posted on FB.

Happy Marriage #01

Never share your marital problems with anyone. Not your best friend or even your parents, what more on social media. They will only hear a one-sided story and for sure, because you’re close to them, they will support you without knowing the true story.

Only share the story with someone you trust, who can give good advice, if your intention is to improve on the relationship. Otherwise, please solve marital challenges together, as wise adults, in a discreet manner.

Happy Marriage #02


Marry for Allah SWT. If you’re involved in a relationship before marriage with your spouse, make sincere taubah together!
Change your intention for marriage, and InsyaAllah your marriage will be filled with barakah. Make Allah as the center of your life and marriage, and you’ll be able to taste genuine and true happiness. The closer you and your spouse are to Allah, the closer you’ll be with your spouse! In the end, don’t you want to reunite with your spouse in Jannah?

Happy Marriage #03

Unless you’re working night shift, never never never let your spouse sleeps alone. Yes, you may come back from work feeling exhausted and all you want to do is to have your own me-time. However, one should understand that me-time has now turn to we-time once one accepted one’s spouse into one’s life.

No, it’s not wrong to have a me-time once in a while. It’s only wrong when you demand your me-time every single day. You and your spouse may be working from day to evening and the only time you have a proper opportunity to spend time with each other is during bedtime.

Let go of all urges to do anything else. Do not bring any gadget, get your spouse and yourself on the bed and enjoy some we-time. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Having a heart-to-heart talk is also one of the ways to get intimate with each other.

Oh. First thing when you wake up in the morning, do not search for your phone. Instead wake your spouse up if you’ve to, greet him/her and kiss him/her on the forehead. You start and end the day with your spouse.

Happy Marriage #04

Always be the best version of yourself when you’re with your spouse. Often times people became too complacent in relationship because they see their spouse everyday and hence they don’t find the need to impress their other half. In fact, unknowingly most of the time we treat others who we rarely meet way better than we do to our spouse.

For something to last, we have to put in great effort. You wouldn’t say “I love my bag so much” but instead you’ll just throw it at a corner without handling it with care. Same goes to our spouse. Extra tender loving care have to be given to our spouse cz firstly, unlike the bag, they have feelings and secondly, we choose to live with them everyday hence they get affected so easily with our actions towards them.

Happy Marriage #05

Many couples have huge problem when it comes to communicating with each other. One of the reasons is because of the personality of the person itself – prefer to keep quiet and bottle everything up inside and treat as if nothing happens.

For a marriage to remain healthy and happy, there must be a form of communication between the spouse. Texting or writing letters may be a way of solving problems, however, nothing beats solving problems at hand, face to face.

When you communicate face to face, your spouse knows exactly your tone, your facial expression and your body language. This cannot be achieved from texting or writing letter. Honestly, it will take time to get used to talking, especially if you’re the type who rather bottle up your feelings.

Find the right time to talk. Always remain calm and always bear in mind that your objective is to find a solution to the problem together. If it’s a mistake that you’ve made, admit it with an open heart and try to improve. If it’s your spouse’s mistake, advise your spouse nicely. Do not have the intention of hurting your spouse just because your spouse has hurt you. At the end of it, say sorry even if you’ve not done any wrong because in the process of giving advise you may hurt you spouse unintentionally.

When you improve yourself, you’ll improve your marriage.

Happy Marriage #06

Never talk bad about your in-laws. Remember that your in-laws are your spouse’s family. What will you feel if your spouse talks bad about your own mum, dad or family as a whole?

Even if you’ve to let our your unhappiness towards your in-laws to your spouse, put it in a way that it won’t create any tension between your spouse and his/her family, or between you yourself and your spouse. Be gracious – pick the right words and tone.

Happy Marriage #07

Unleash your inner child when you’re with your spouse. Do not be ashamed to act silly/cute in front of your spouse because your spouse will be entertained (given you do it at the right time)! It would be easier to be playful if you marry at a young age.

PS: Never act cute in front of anyone else other than your spouse because, you know, others won’t appreciate that sight so much. They might just vomit on the spot.

Happy Marriage #08

Do not contact the opposite gender without any legit reason, what more if that person(s) used to be the most important person at one point of time in your life.

This may sound insecure, but once you got married to your spouse, you shouldn’t even leave a comment at that person’s FB postings. That’s basic respect for your spouse. If you’re genuinely okay with your spouse doing the same to you, then it’s up to the both of you.

Jealousy can really hurt so badly. Contacting the opposite gender is like an indirect way of telling your spouse that he/she can’t fulfil that part of attention that you need (even if you don’t mean it). So instead of seeking for love/entertainment from someone else, give your spouse a chance to show you that he/she is worth it.

After all, one of the most important essences of marriage is loyalty.

Oh, if you need to deal with the opposite gender, make the message short and sharp. Do not make room for the receiver to think that he/she has a chance with you. Because, you know, somehow some people find a married person more attractive than a single person.

Happy Marriage #09

A lot of people can solve the world’s problem and anything in it, but back at home, their own family problems are neglected. Many can listen attentively to outsiders’ rants but when their spouse rants, they turn berserk.

Take a step back and focus on your marriage for once. Listen carefully to your spouse when he/she is laying down the problems that are happening in the marriage. Just like how you solve outsiders’ problems calmly and as wise as possible, you should do even much more when dealing with your spouse.

Be a genuinely happy person inside and outside your house!

Happy Marriage #10

As far as possible, never end your day with feelings of unhappiness and anger towards your spouse even how huge your argument might be in the day.

Most of the time, argument in a marriage happens not because one is wrong while the other is right. It is inevitable misunderstanding that happens because both party love each other so much, they feel a need to voice out.

Trust me, in an argument, both party will feel hurt. Since no one is in the wrong per se, say sorry for whatever that has happened and promise that the situation will improve. Saying sorry doesn’t mean you lose in the argument, you apologise for hurting your spouse knowingly or unknowingly. And yes, if your spouse apologised, you apologise too for hurting him/her.

Discuss how to make things better after that and your marriage will get stronger. Arguments are not meant for hating but it’s meant to make you understand each other better.

Happy Marriage #11

Never leave a day without saying “I love you” or “I miss you” genuinely to your spouse.

A trick if your spouse is embarassed to reply you: 
If your spouse just smiles sheepishly without replying, ask him/her
“you don’t love me too..? *insert act cute sad face*”.
Your spouse will surely feel obligated to reply although he/she may be super shy to say those words because he/she loves you that much too!

If you want to take all this act cute thingy to a whole new cringy level, after your spouse says “I love you too”, you reply “I love you too, three, for-ever (four ever)!” Hehe… Omg. I’m cringing just by typing this out. Haha.

And yes, please do it when no one else is around you and your spouse.
Happy Marriage #12

Always consult with your spouse in any matter – whether minute or life-changing decision. Listen, understand and provide/accept sincere advice when needed/given. At times, your spouse knows you better than you know yourself.

Make your spouse feel important. After all, whatever decision you’re going to make, it might affect your spouse in one way or another. Your spouse is your life companion.

Happy Marriage #13

Always “renew” your marriage by reading books meant for newly married couples. These kind of books will allow you to gauge how far you’ve “performed” in your marriage. It will help you to remain on track cz it serves as a constant reminder as to why you first marry the person you’re with now. Plus, even though if you first marry for the wrong reason, these books will enable you set your intention right again, InsyaAllah.

Happy Marriage #14

Do not ask unnecessary questions that will only hurt you and can shake your relationship with your spouse. Especially questions pertaining the past, the opposite gender, etc.

I’ve seen people getting mad at their partner when they themselves asked question like “do you think xxx is pretty?”. At times even when your partner says no, you’ll keep provoking until your partner says “okay la. She looks a bit pretty” and you spoil your own day.

I know at times we just want to test our own spouse cz we want to feel worthy. But hey, the moment your spouse chose you to be their lifetime companion, it already shows you’re the most worthy in their eyes, mind and heart, right? Edit😉

That’s why we need to keep praising, saying good stuff to our spouse so that he/she knows we are always noticing their good side!

WAllahualam.


On a side note, if you have not already done so, I’d like to welcome you to subscribe to my Friday Letters where I will be emailing you my own personal reflection which I feel most relevant and insyaAllah beneficial to be shared that week! I will be emailing my very first letter tomorrow (INSYAALLAH!) after facing lots of problem with the software! To subscribe, don’t be shy and please click here. 🙂


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Alone but not lonely

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wbt.

The past week I have been quite a loner because firstly, my very good friend has just graduated and secondly, it is the short semester and the campus is kind of a ghost town. So for two months or so, I will be rather alone because I end all classes before lunch hour and I don’t really have anyone to hang out with. Okay, at least for four days I will be alone and I’ll be back in Singapore for three days. #weekendhousewife

Alhamdulillah I am quite satisfied with the way things are. I may be all by myself, but I am never bored. However, there are times where I found myself doing unproductive things like watching unbeneficial videos on YouTube. I am still trying to cut down on that.

You see, when you are all alone, you will have that strong tendency to do things that are not beneficial because no one is looking at you. I mean, it is normal to be that way because we are humans and we forget. However, it is worrying when we get too caught up with matters that are not beneficial till we are unable to realise the wrong in it. I understand it is difficult. It is not easy to break the habit that we have formed for so long. Break it slowly. One at a time. Like our mothers always say “little little long long become hill” HAHA. It sounds so bad in English. Sikit sikit lama-lama jadi bukit. We also have to keep reminding ourselves that no human is seeing us, but Allah SWT does. He takes account of everything that we do publicly and privately. We will also be asked what we do with the time that has granted to us in this dunya. All of us want to have a good response when answering Him, don’t we?

Somewhere I’ve never been before and I was shocked that this was my destination

Anyways.. The past week I filled my time by going out of campus alone. Of cz I did not just wander around without any purpose. My husband would be maddd. Hehe. I have made a point that I will have to accomplish something everyday. Especially with the upcoming clothing line that I will introduce soon (insyaAllah!), I have been quite busy getting stuff from places that I have not been to. Alhamdulillah for Grab and its constant promo codes. Haha. Anyway, I would not lie that taking a Grabcar in Malaysia is not scary. At times I do get scared especially when I am going to places I have not been to. It’s scary when drivers had to drive at kampong areas because that’s when my mind gets wild. However, I will always make it a point to recite this simple du’a every time I go out from my room:

 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللَّهِ لاَ حَوْلَ وَلاَ قُوَّةَ إِلاَّ بِاللَّهِ

Bismillahi tawakaltu ‘alallahi, laa hawla wa laa quwata illa billah

In the name of Allah, I trust in Allah; there is no might and no power but in Allah

The hadith to the the du’a:

Narrated Anas ibn Malik:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: When a man goes out of his house and says: “In the name of Allah, I trust in Allah; there is no might and no power but in Allah,” the following will be said to him at that time: “You are guided, defended and protected.” The devils will go far from him and another devil will say: How can you deal with a man who has been guided, defended and protected?

(Sunan Abi Dawud)

SubhanAllah. Such a simple yet powerful du’a that almost every Muslim knows yet most of time we do not recite it with conviction. I used to recite it as a habit but I began reciting it with conviction ever since I have to travel alone. However, why do we wait till we are alone then we start reciting it meaningfully? Let’s start now, and have trust in Allah that there is not power greater than Him. So yes, this du’a has been my shield. I will feel calm and safe when I reminded myself that I have recited this du’a when I leave my room.

Nonetheless, I was pleasantly surprised by this place! Alhamdulillah!

Besides going out, I am also trying to excite my intellect again by reading books (all thanks to my husband who makes sure that I reaaad). I do not have the habit or interest in reading but I know that there is no other way for me to gain knowledge besides going for talks/lectures and reading. I know that the only way for me to get resources is by reading. When we want to write our own article, we have to cite from other articles. Hence, if I want my articles to be beneficial, I will have to provide evidences that of course requires reading. So there is no way that I could escape reading, hence I shall tryyy to embrace reading. I constantly reminded myself that I need to read in the name of my Lord. I believe my Lord (Allah) is the truth. Therefore, I need to read with the sole purpose of seeking for the truth.

So yeah! I believe that having a ‘me time’ is important. However, ‘me time’ doesn’t just mean shopping, scrolling mindlessly on FB, IG, Twitter, watching online movies. Fill your ‘me time’ with things that are beneficial. Besides reading, you can also go to the beach and do some contemplation. Contemplation is really important for every Muslim to perform and that’s why there are so many contemplative verses in the Qur’an. Besides relaxing our mind, contemplation will also enable us to reflect on our actions and improve ourselves, insyaAllah.

Some people who might always be surrounded by other people yet they feel lonely. All in all, do remember that in whatever circumstances, we are never alone and we should never feel lonely because Allah SWT is closer to us than our jugular vein.

On a separate note, I have announced on my recent blog post that I will be emailing Friday letters last week. However, when I wanted to send my letter, there was some problem and the website disabled me from sending any emails. Huhu. I hope the issue will be resolved soon so that I will be able to send it this week, insyaAllah. Even when I posted subscription form on my FB, some emails did not appear on my mailing list. I am sorry if you are accidentally not in the list. If you subscribed to my Friday letters on FB, do subscribe here again k. If there is a repetition of your email in the list, I will delete one out. I am also welcoming you who are reading this to subscribe to my Friday letters here!

Wallahualam.

Reasons Why I left + Special Announcement!

Bismillahirrahmaaniirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wbt.

Okayyy, hold your horses! This post is not a pregnancy announcement rather it’s something that I have been wanting to do for a long time and only now I have the time to do it, Alhamdulillah. But that aside first. Anywayyy… SubhanAllah. It’s been awhile since I last posted something personal, isn’t it? This post is particularly about the reason why I left social media for a long time. I know many, if not all, do not realize that I have deleted my instagram account a couple of months ago. As for FB, I had serious contemplation to close it down, but I guess I won’t. However, I have not been active in posting statuses except for sharing others’ posts.

February was the beginning of my new semester. Alhamdulillah the semester has ended and my result was unexpectedly beyond expectation; especially with the new system that my university has just implemented. I got sick a number of times that semester and the energy to attend classes was really the level of A’udzubillahiminas-syaitanirrajeemmm… Others became sick because they did a load of things, as for me, I got sick by the thoughts of having to do tonnes of things. Huhu. Please make du’a for me in your prayers that I will be able to do better for the next few semesters I am left with.

Being busy and overwhelmed with school work was just a minor reason to why I left social media. The real reason why I left would be because of a lecturer whom I have great respect for and I had the amazing opportunity to be in her class for the past one semester. Not many students want to register for her class because she is known to be super critical and have no mercy for students who do not want to speak in class. There were a couple of times where students were asked to leave the class if the student(s) do not have any questions for her. The lecturer always says that it’s a crime/sin for a Muslim to be stupid. Which I myself feel that it is the harsh truth. Allah SWT has given us the capacity to think and contemplate. Even in the Qur’an there are many verses which Allah SWT commands us to ponder upon. However, little do we take heed.

So yes. I am trying to be a smart and critical Muslim who do not just take things at face value. There are more than just what our simple mind would want to comprehend. I do not wish to be a cognitive miser; one who avoids taking effort to think beyond than what is required. These are also the very reasons why people go to the extremes in comprehending Islam. On one extreme, there is a group of people who take things literally from the Qur’an which resulted in violence and extremism. While on the other hand, there is a group of people who are too loose in their interpretations of the religion. We need to be in the middle of the two extremes and for that to happen, we need to be knowledgeable and sincere.

Okay. I think I am still not answering the reason why I left. Sorry for digressing too much. But I feel that this is important especially in today’s context where the truth is scarily mashed up with falsehood. I am leaving a du’a that we all should recite after every prayer by Saiyyidina ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab r.a.:

اللهم ارنا الحق حقاً وارزقنا اتباعه وارنا الباطل باطلا وارزقنا اجتنابه

Allahumma arinal haqqa haqqaw warzuqnat tiba’ah, wa arinal batila batilaw warzuqnaj tinabah

Translation: O Allah! show us the truth as true, and inspire us to follow it. Show us falsehood as falsehood, and inspire us to abstain from it.

Back to the reason… So, this lecturer of mine, she was frustrated at the condition of our ummah right now. There are so many things that we need to do yet women are always seen on the phone, while the men are always with their big toys (she’s refering to those who are constantly competing who can build the tallest building). What hits me the most was when she said, “The Ummah is dying! … You’re here as khalifah fil ard (loosely translated as manager on earth), not to look pretty!” SubhanAllah. That’s when I realize, I want to remove any distraction from my path to better myself so that I can help my community in the best of my capability, insyaAllah. Again, please make du’a for me. However, I am not saying that we should not be beautiful for Allah’s sake; especially in our acts of worship. That is what ihsan is about – to attain perfection. What I am referring to is excessive time wastage in trying to look pretty till it distracts us from doing better things.

Social-Media-Addiction (1)

So here was my thought process. I wish to remove as much distractions as possible. You know, when you start to press on any social media apps, you will somehow get hooked and waste your life away scrolling without any purpose. At times, the heart becomes diseased when you tend to compare yourself with some instagram celebrity or people who seemingly did a lot of amazing things with their lives. At the same time, I do not wish to distract others with my posts that were becoming more and more irrelevant to becoming a better person. I need to be able to fulfill my ultimate purpose of being in this world. I salute those who are able to fulfill their purpose with all these social media platforms, as for me, I need to be thoroughly selective. I need to make sure the social media I am using is assisting me to do greater things to achieve the objective of providing goodness to others. I need. So here’s the special announcement I was referring to.

I am deeply inspired by Aida Azlin, founder of The Shawl Label. I have been subscribing to her Tuesday love letters, listening to her podcasts, signing up for her classes and watching her videos. Aida, if you are reading this, I’m sorry if I appear as a stalker. Haha. But that shows how much she has been inspiring me. She is the most productive person I have ever seen in my entire life. She will always be pioneering something new, something that you never thought possible. If you guys have no clue who she is, you should totally check out her work here.

I could relate so much to Aida because she’s all out in championing sisterhood and she is able to integrate and translate everything beautifully into her crafts. I would also love to create a strong community, both men and women, with my Friday letters which I will start emailing this Friday (7/7/2017), insyaAllah. Also, you might remember that I used to run Mai Black Jubah with a dear friend. Unfortunately Mai Black Jubah has ceased to exist but Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah something even better awaits! I will be officially launching this new line in one of the Friday letters, insyaAllah! So excited, SubhanAllah! For the third time, please make du’a that everything runs smoothly!

I promise the letter will not be as long as my usual blog post! Hehe. Let’s be a part of one community, shall we? Click here if you’re in!

Wallahualam.