Your Spouse is Your Mirror

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamu’alaikum Wr. Wbt.

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives”. [At-Tirmidhi]

It is not uncommon now to hear about couples divorcing when in fact their marriage has been less than five years. A recent survey made by Berita Harian, the main reason for divorce is unfaithfulness of spouse. If you can understand Malay language, you may read the full article here.

For that reason, I have decided to compile all marriage tips that I’ve posted sometimes back on FB. Although I may not be the best person to advice as my marriage has not even reached four years, I sincerely hope that these tips will come in handy for any married couples, insyaAllah. Most importantly, it serves as a reminder for me too.

I name this post as ‘Your Spouse is Your Mirror’ because I hold on dear to the hadith above. If you treat your wife good, then InsyaAllah she will reciprocate with good treatment and vice versa. So if you feel your marriage is not bringing peace into your home, check on yourself first and work things out. However, I am not stereotyping to all marriages because in this world they are some exceptions. I know of people who are super good to their spouse yet their spouse reciprocates with bad treatment.

The list is quite comprehensive but I hope these tips will be beneficial, insyaAllah. There’s no order because I copy paste it according to the time line I’ve posted on FB.

Happy Marriage #01

Never share your marital problems with anyone. Not your best friend or even your parents, what more on social media. They will only hear a one-sided story and for sure, because you’re close to them, they will support you without knowing the true story.

Only share the story with someone you trust, who can give good advice, if your intention is to improve on the relationship. Otherwise, please solve marital challenges together, as wise adults, in a discreet manner.

Happy Marriage #02


Marry for Allah SWT. If you’re involved in a relationship before marriage with your spouse, make sincere taubah together!
Change your intention for marriage, and InsyaAllah your marriage will be filled with barakah. Make Allah as the center of your life and marriage, and you’ll be able to taste genuine and true happiness. The closer you and your spouse are to Allah, the closer you’ll be with your spouse! In the end, don’t you want to reunite with your spouse in Jannah?

Happy Marriage #03

Unless you’re working night shift, never never never let your spouse sleeps alone. Yes, you may come back from work feeling exhausted and all you want to do is to have your own me-time. However, one should understand that me-time has now turn to we-time once one accepted one’s spouse into one’s life.

No, it’s not wrong to have a me-time once in a while. It’s only wrong when you demand your me-time every single day. You and your spouse may be working from day to evening and the only time you have a proper opportunity to spend time with each other is during bedtime.

Let go of all urges to do anything else. Do not bring any gadget, get your spouse and yourself on the bed and enjoy some we-time. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Having a heart-to-heart talk is also one of the ways to get intimate with each other.

Oh. First thing when you wake up in the morning, do not search for your phone. Instead wake your spouse up if you’ve to, greet him/her and kiss him/her on the forehead. You start and end the day with your spouse.

Happy Marriage #04

Always be the best version of yourself when you’re with your spouse. Often times people became too complacent in relationship because they see their spouse everyday and hence they don’t find the need to impress their other half. In fact, unknowingly most of the time we treat others who we rarely meet way better than we do to our spouse.

For something to last, we have to put in great effort. You wouldn’t say “I love my bag so much” but instead you’ll just throw it at a corner without handling it with care. Same goes to our spouse. Extra tender loving care have to be given to our spouse cz firstly, unlike the bag, they have feelings and secondly, we choose to live with them everyday hence they get affected so easily with our actions towards them.

Happy Marriage #05

Many couples have huge problem when it comes to communicating with each other. One of the reasons is because of the personality of the person itself – prefer to keep quiet and bottle everything up inside and treat as if nothing happens.

For a marriage to remain healthy and happy, there must be a form of communication between the spouse. Texting or writing letters may be a way of solving problems, however, nothing beats solving problems at hand, face to face.

When you communicate face to face, your spouse knows exactly your tone, your facial expression and your body language. This cannot be achieved from texting or writing letter. Honestly, it will take time to get used to talking, especially if you’re the type who rather bottle up your feelings.

Find the right time to talk. Always remain calm and always bear in mind that your objective is to find a solution to the problem together. If it’s a mistake that you’ve made, admit it with an open heart and try to improve. If it’s your spouse’s mistake, advise your spouse nicely. Do not have the intention of hurting your spouse just because your spouse has hurt you. At the end of it, say sorry even if you’ve not done any wrong because in the process of giving advise you may hurt you spouse unintentionally.

When you improve yourself, you’ll improve your marriage.

Happy Marriage #06

Never talk bad about your in-laws. Remember that your in-laws are your spouse’s family. What will you feel if your spouse talks bad about your own mum, dad or family as a whole?

Even if you’ve to let our your unhappiness towards your in-laws to your spouse, put it in a way that it won’t create any tension between your spouse and his/her family, or between you yourself and your spouse. Be gracious – pick the right words and tone.

Happy Marriage #07

Unleash your inner child when you’re with your spouse. Do not be ashamed to act silly/cute in front of your spouse because your spouse will be entertained (given you do it at the right time)! It would be easier to be playful if you marry at a young age.

PS: Never act cute in front of anyone else other than your spouse because, you know, others won’t appreciate that sight so much. They might just vomit on the spot.

Happy Marriage #08

Do not contact the opposite gender without any legit reason, what more if that person(s) used to be the most important person at one point of time in your life.

This may sound insecure, but once you got married to your spouse, you shouldn’t even leave a comment at that person’s FB postings. That’s basic respect for your spouse. If you’re genuinely okay with your spouse doing the same to you, then it’s up to the both of you.

Jealousy can really hurt so badly. Contacting the opposite gender is like an indirect way of telling your spouse that he/she can’t fulfil that part of attention that you need (even if you don’t mean it). So instead of seeking for love/entertainment from someone else, give your spouse a chance to show you that he/she is worth it.

After all, one of the most important essences of marriage is loyalty.

Oh, if you need to deal with the opposite gender, make the message short and sharp. Do not make room for the receiver to think that he/she has a chance with you. Because, you know, somehow some people find a married person more attractive than a single person.

Happy Marriage #09

A lot of people can solve the world’s problem and anything in it, but back at home, their own family problems are neglected. Many can listen attentively to outsiders’ rants but when their spouse rants, they turn berserk.

Take a step back and focus on your marriage for once. Listen carefully to your spouse when he/she is laying down the problems that are happening in the marriage. Just like how you solve outsiders’ problems calmly and as wise as possible, you should do even much more when dealing with your spouse.

Be a genuinely happy person inside and outside your house!

Happy Marriage #10

As far as possible, never end your day with feelings of unhappiness and anger towards your spouse even how huge your argument might be in the day.

Most of the time, argument in a marriage happens not because one is wrong while the other is right. It is inevitable misunderstanding that happens because both party love each other so much, they feel a need to voice out.

Trust me, in an argument, both party will feel hurt. Since no one is in the wrong per se, say sorry for whatever that has happened and promise that the situation will improve. Saying sorry doesn’t mean you lose in the argument, you apologise for hurting your spouse knowingly or unknowingly. And yes, if your spouse apologised, you apologise too for hurting him/her.

Discuss how to make things better after that and your marriage will get stronger. Arguments are not meant for hating but it’s meant to make you understand each other better.

Happy Marriage #11

Never leave a day without saying “I love you” or “I miss you” genuinely to your spouse.

A trick if your spouse is embarassed to reply you: 
If your spouse just smiles sheepishly without replying, ask him/her
“you don’t love me too..? *insert act cute sad face*”.
Your spouse will surely feel obligated to reply although he/she may be super shy to say those words because he/she loves you that much too!

If you want to take all this act cute thingy to a whole new cringy level, after your spouse says “I love you too”, you reply “I love you too, three, for-ever (four ever)!” Hehe… Omg. I’m cringing just by typing this out. Haha.

And yes, please do it when no one else is around you and your spouse.
Happy Marriage #12

Always consult with your spouse in any matter – whether minute or life-changing decision. Listen, understand and provide/accept sincere advice when needed/given. At times, your spouse knows you better than you know yourself.

Make your spouse feel important. After all, whatever decision you’re going to make, it might affect your spouse in one way or another. Your spouse is your life companion.

Happy Marriage #13

Always “renew” your marriage by reading books meant for newly married couples. These kind of books will allow you to gauge how far you’ve “performed” in your marriage. It will help you to remain on track cz it serves as a constant reminder as to why you first marry the person you’re with now. Plus, even though if you first marry for the wrong reason, these books will enable you set your intention right again, InsyaAllah.

Happy Marriage #14

Do not ask unnecessary questions that will only hurt you and can shake your relationship with your spouse. Especially questions pertaining the past, the opposite gender, etc.

I’ve seen people getting mad at their partner when they themselves asked question like “do you think xxx is pretty?”. At times even when your partner says no, you’ll keep provoking until your partner says “okay la. She looks a bit pretty” and you spoil your own day.

I know at times we just want to test our own spouse cz we want to feel worthy. But hey, the moment your spouse chose you to be their lifetime companion, it already shows you’re the most worthy in their eyes, mind and heart, right? Edit😉

That’s why we need to keep praising, saying good stuff to our spouse so that he/she knows we are always noticing their good side!

WAllahualam.


On a side note, if you have not already done so, I’d like to welcome you to subscribe to my Friday Letters where I will be emailing you my own personal reflection which I feel most relevant and insyaAllah beneficial to be shared that week! I will be emailing my very first letter tomorrow (INSYAALLAH!) after facing lots of problem with the software! To subscribe, don’t be shy and please click here. 🙂


I Love You For The Sake Of Allah SWT

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiim…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wbt.

MasyaAllah. Today marks the second year of our marriage. Time flies so fast when you’re with the person you love. I can still vividly remember how I met my husband (click here to read). I guess one of the reasons why it still remains fresh in my memory is because I’ve been sharing my story with quite a number of people who asked.

I never really knew what does it take to love someone for the sake of Allah. Before marrying my husband, I thought loving him for the sake of Allah is going to be simple; I just have to obey Allah’s commandments and I will naturally obey my husband. When I finally got married, I realised it wasn’t that simple to act it out.

For me, there is no such thing as honeymoon period. Honeymoon period to me is a myth. From the moment we are being declared as husband and wife, that’s when we start to shoulder our own respective responsibility that Allah SWT has set for us. Suddenly marriage sounds scary, huh? Nope, not really…

It is human nature that we are always wanting and demanding for our rights. Especially in marriage! However we will never find happiness and contentment in our marriage if half the time we are arguing about our rights.

Loving for the sake of Allah SWT would mean you fulfilling your responsibility towards Allah SWT. And knowing that you won’t be able to fulfil your responsibility completely if you do not be responsible over who Allah has put your responsibility under.

So how do we know what are our responsibilities? It’s right there, in the Quran and Sunnah. I won’t elaborate the details because I don’t wish to spark any debate and that’s not the objective of this post. All I wish to highlight is that, once we’ve performed our responsibility, then we are in the position to ask for our rights. Most of the time, you don’t even have to ask for it, it will come to you naturally because Allah SWT is pleased with you.

As of now, I am away from my husband for exactly two months now. Being in a long distance relationship is not easy. I remembered the first few days and weeks after my husband left, I felt empty. Since I’m schooling in Malaysia, going back to Singapore has been quite a challenge cz knowing that my husband isn’t there for me to pinch his chubby face.

My husband always reminds me that we are doing this for Allah SWT. He’s seeking knowledge and I am seeking knowledge for no one but Allah SWT. This is an ‘ibadah and this is our responsibility as ‘abid (slave) and khalifah (leader) of Allah SWT.

Whenever I feel like breaking down because I’m missing my husband so badly, I will remind myself again, this is Allah SWT’s way of giving me a chance to experience the real meaning of loving my husband for His sake. Maybe Allah SWT put us in this situation because we are becoming too dependent on each other. Now that I miss my husband, I learn to depend on Allah SWT again. Strengthening my relationship with Allah SWT directly strengthens my relationship with my husband, SubhanAllah.

Being apart from my husband also allows me to place my highest of tawakul on Allah SWT. I learn to leave my husband under the care of Allah SWT. Knowing that whatever happens, it’s the best that Allah SWT has planned for us.

So the next time when someone asks me, “how to love someone for the sake of Allah SWT?” I’d say ‘responsibility’ and ‘tawakul’. Once you are able to accept that, then you’ll be able to experience honeymoon period all day, every day and eternally, InsyaAllah.
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WAllahualam.

How I Met My Husband

Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem…

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb.

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On 20th December 2013 I got married to a beautiful man. My love story isn’t about love at first sight or about a girl waiting for her prince charming. It’s all about sacrificing and struggling to stop loving a human and learn to love again.

I first met my husband late September 2013 when he was an Ustaz conducting “Women Around the Messenger” session.  The first session he shared with us about himself. And I was kind of shocked that at the age of 23, he’s already an Ustaz and his knowledge is just… MasyaAllah. Another thing that caught my attention was the fact that he just graduated from the university that I am currently in. Of cz, even though I was impressed by his biography, I never knew he’s gonna be the one.

At around that period, I was very eager about Islam and had lots of questions in my mind. Hence when he gave us his number, on that night itself I shot him with all the questions that have been bothering me. Hah. Well, he did say to us to ask him anything if we’ve questions. Hehe.

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On the second session, he shared with us the first Mother of Believers, Khadijah Bint Khuwalid r.a.. Khadijah r.a was married twice before she met our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW. She was 40 at that time and she told herself that she will never get married any more. However when she met Prophet SAW (he wasn’t a prophet yet at that point of time), she was attracted at his commendable attitude and great characteristics. She thought she wasn’t deserving of Prophet SAW therefore she asked her friend, Nafisah, to propose him on her behalf. Well, girls being girls, we were all awing at how courageous Khadijah r.a was. Haha.

That night, out of curiosity I asked him how did he managed to be an Ustaz, graduated with a degree, when he’s just 23. I asked this out of pure intention cz I wanted to know if I can graduate fast too. Hehe. He then shared with me and from that, I got to know he’s single. FYI, I was just at my first semester, first year of school.

Well, a lot of things went through my head. I see myself being in the position of Khadijah r.a. (of cz I’m not even near her good characteristics). It was that year too that I forced myself out of a relationship that I know Allah SWT will never favour. And due to my past, I feel like I’m not deserving of an Ustaz. I felt inferior.

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However, decisions are not for us to make. My dad always advise me this, “I won’t decide, Mama won’t decide and you don’t decide. Let Allah SWT decide for you.” Indeed, it’s true.

TIPS: Ever since I decided to dedicate my life to Allah SWT (few months before I met my husband), I tried to start the habit of waking up for Qiyammulail. All I needed from Allah SWT was to make my heart stronger. Whenever I feel my heart’s about to turn weak, I will pray “Ya Allah, fill my heart with Your love and Rasulullah’s love before you fill it with human’s love.”. I cringe out of fear whenever I made that prayer cz I’ll never know how long it will ever take for my heart to be filled fully with His love and Rasulullah’s love. Yet, Allah SWT showed His mercy.

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Although I knew I had so much disabilities in me, Allah SWT still gave me the courage to propose to my husband. I knew I got that courage from the consistent Qiyammulail that I did. After consulting my parents, I proposed to him. Proposing in this sense means to tell the guy your intention for marriage. Not by bringing your family to meet his family. No doubt I was nervous that he would give a straight rejection to my proposal, but instead he coaxed me by reiterating about Khadijah r.a. Yet, I didn’t put any hopes on him.

TIPS: Now that I’ve proposed to him, I included Solah Istikharah into my Qiyammualail routine. Like I mentioned earlier, I didn’t put any hopes on him cz I knew at this stage it’s easy for me to fall for him (he’s too nice la pleaseee…). I never fail to ask Allah SWT to strengthen my heart and Iman. I guarded my heart so much, so much so that if suddenly his family rejected the proposal it will not be a huge blow for me. At the same time, my husband also did Solah Istikharah.

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I gave a hard copy picture of me with sister to my husband. As I was wearing the niqab, he can’t possible stalk my fb and check out how I look like. Hehe.

Since marriage is a lifelong decision, it took his family quite some time to respond to my proposal. My husband just told me recently while we were at the airport waiting for the arrival of my sister-in-law in Jordan, what was the major sign that he knew his Istikharah was answered? He said his sister was sceptical of the proposal at first, hence he prayed to Allah SWT that if I’m really the one for him, change his sister’s heart to accept me. Soon after, miracle did happen. Subhanallah. How great Allah SWT is? So don’t be afraid to ask for specific signs. InsyaAllah if it’s really what Allah SWT has planned for you, it will not miss you.

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I proposed to my husband on 29th September and it took a month before our families met. On 3rd November they came and ask for my hand in marriage and Alhamdulillah we set the date for solemnisation on 20th December. Oh! I could still remember the adrenaline rush when I had to take off my niqab for my husband to see how I looked like in person. I almost fainted. I could feel blood gushing up my brain. Not exaggerating at all okay. Haha. My sister was laughing silently witnessing the whole process. Grrr. Anyways, it was fate that two of my husband’s brothers will be having their wedding ceremony concurrently on the 21st December and that’s how our solemnisation date was decided. Therefore, we called it the Mega Wedding because when will you ever see 3 newly wed brothers on the same dais? Hehe.

TIPS: Even when I was at the masjid waiting for the solemnisation ceremony to take place, I still guarded my heart so badly. Anything can happen even at the very last minute. Only when the Qadi confirmed that the Akad was successful, I finally start to love my husband.

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It was unbelievable. Just from that one liner of the Akad, we’re finally married. Just by that one liner, what used to be haram is now halal for you. Looking at your spouse, you’ll be rewarded. Holding your spouse’s hand, you’re rewarded. MasyaAllah. How great marriage is? Haha.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find tranquillity in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” [Ar-Rum:21]

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Alhamdulillah for my husband. He’s the best I could ever ask for. He’s so gentle yet firm. He’s helpful in doing the house chores. He’s kind to everyone. MasyaAllah. I can just go on and on praising him. Everyday I learn something new about him and everyday is an opportunity for me to grow.

MAJOR TIPS: Find a husband who knows about the life of Muhammad SAW. Not only knows, but emulates our Prophet’s characteristics.

Especially in the Malay community, it’s a taboo for a girl to propose to a guy. And I’ve this problem too with my grandmother. She refused to talked to me when she got to know that I proposed to my husband from someone whom read my fb post. So I appeal to those who wish to tell my grandmother that I wrote a whole post about how I proposed to my husband, tell her why I did it. Tell her that I did it because our first Mother of Believers did it. I don’t blame my grandmother for having that traditional mindset because this is the generation (& our parent’s generation) that it would be best to align to the Prophetic traditions. For a girl to propose, it takes great courage and it’s a noble thing to do if she does it the right way. Imagine if Khadijah r.a. didn’t propose to Rasulullah SAW?

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Bonus: A mother’s prayer is one of those prayers that will be answered. Since I was 15, my mum always told me to go to the masjid. She said who knows I’ll get an Ustaz as a husband. Subhanallah. How powerful a mother’s prayer for her child. Only after 7 years Allah SWT  answered her prayers. This just makes my faith in Allah SWT stronger.

Marrying is Sunnah. It comes with great sacrifices and a whole lot more reward. It will also increase your rizq. Yeap. I wouldn’t dwell on this, but I vouch on this. Of cz, for you to receive these rewards, your purpose of marriage must be because you want to be closer to Allah SWT. My formula of marriage is that, the closer you and your spouse are towards Allah SWT, naturally the closer you will be to your spouse. 

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VERY LAST TIPS: Make your wedding simple. Invite orphans or the less fortunate for your wedding feast. Be patient in any circumstances. Smile to your spouse. Make your household a peaceful place to live in. Strive to be united again in Jannah. InsyaAllah, your marriage will be filled with Allah SWT’s barakah.

I hope while sharing on how I met my husband, I’ve successfully managed to give some tips too. It’s all about pleasing the One who creates us. It’s about showing how sincere you are to Him and His Messenger through your actions and not merely through words. Life is a test and we’ve to struggle to attain His pleasure.

“Verily in the remembrance of God, do heart find rest.” {Ar-Rad:28]

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PS: Sorry for the spam of photos. Heheee. xD

WallahuAlam.